Bless up from Sri Lanka!

Hello my loves,

Its been a while. I can't believe I've been gone for more than two weeks already. So far I've been in Mumbai, Palolem and Anjuna(both in Goa), spent a blistering and scary 9 hours in Chennai  and I am now in Sri Lanka and loving it! I have so much to fill you in on, but I want to take my time and do a proper job—not rushed at a seedy Internet cafe. For the next little while, I will post updates on twitter @intrepid30. Deuces for now!

ZIE LIST

#20-Ride on the back of a motorcycle

This happened the day before my birthday. I stayed at a place called Bayan Soul in Anjuna, Goa. Very simple, but clean and it came with a reasonable price tag.

I told Gani I needed to exchange money. He said he would take me(which I assumed meant walking). He came to my room to get me and we walked over to a bike and I said " Oh, we are taking that?"  He said "yes, of course".

I'm glad it happened this way, unexpected. I didn't have time to process it and think of ways to walk or get out of it. If anyone has witnessed driving in India, you understand my trepidation. I took a deep breath and hopped on. There was no helmet or protective gear shielding me from becoming one with the earth. We started out, I held on for dear life(which I realised after was highly inappropriate). We drove through winding dirt rodes, over speed bumps and weaving in and out of traffic. I slowly let go of him and rested my hands on my thighs. I changed my money and we headed back, hands resting on my thighs, feeling like all was right with the world.

With a new sense of bravery, I toiled with the idea of renting a scooter. I saw all these cool hippie chicks riding around and I wanted to belong. A wave of common sense swept over me and I remembered how accident prone I am. No two wheeling fun for me.

Date#26

Sorry peeps! This one is from before I left. Don't get excited because it was just as dismal as most of my dates. Enjoy.

Codename:Separated
Age:38
Occupation:Contractor
Nationality:Italian-Canadian

I tried to make my dates as diverse as possible. This one was my first divorcee. I cheated a little bit and went on a coffee shop date. It was only a couple days before I left and I still had loads of crap to do. He drove to my area. He was there first. He was moderately attractive, medium build and height, dark-haired and olive-skinned. He looked a bit homely. He wore a sweater that looked it came from the Sears young men's collection and dad jeans.

He got me a mint tea and he had coffee. We spoke of our lives. He's not officially divorced yet(I didn't particularly care because I knew it was going nowhere.) He told me of his favourite ex-girlfriend(who was Jamaican). He spoke of getting married to early and being emasculated by his wife. At that point, I felt like I was becoming his therapist. I told him I was going to India on my own. He told me I was nuts. I told him I had to get home and pack. This one lasted about 35 minutes. While saying our goodbyes, he mentioned that he would love to see me on my return. Not bloody likely.

WOOOOOHOOOO!

Today, I am thirty years old. It feels good. I have a whole long post to write but the Internet is unbelievably slow and expensive here in Anjuna. Just know that things have been done and a full report is on its way. Peace and love.

Palolem

This is my last night in Palolem. It's a wonderful little haven. The tourists mainly consist of middle aged Russians, Scandinavians and other Europeans. The only thing I would change is where I stayed. It's a beach hut complex called Chattai. I told the driver to take me there, although I had intentions of checking out other places, I was too exhausted and stayed there. There are much nicer huts, directly on the beach for around the same cost. Lesson learned.

I had a Ayurvedic massage for 600R. This is the second time I've had a massage in a foreign country and this is the second time they've spent an inordinate amount of time massaging my buttocks. While undressing, she stayed in the room and unhooked my bra...During the massage, she coaxed and soothed my muscles into relaxation—she must have found my ass very tense. She asked me to turn over, I did. She massaged my legs and my stomach...and then my breasts. I wanted to bust out laughing, but I just closed my eyes and waited for it be over. It's a shame I leave tomorrow. Until next time Jyoti....

Zie list

#16-GO TO INDIA
I was so exhausted yesterday, I forgot to cross it off my list. I'm currently in Palolem Beach, Goa. I will try to update as much as possible while on the road. Check me out on twitter @intrepid30.

#19 GO SAILING
I had my very first sailing lesson today. An expat Brit named Micheal showed me thr ropes. It's quite complicated. I have another two hour lesson tomorrow. I have pictures, but this craphole of an internet cafe has no memory card slot and smells of cumin and armpit. Ciao for now.

Hello India

I flew into Mumbai via Brussells. It was an exhausting 17 hours of travel. I checked into the Mirage hotel(near the airport). It's a four star hotel(which I don't usually do). I wanted a soft introduction to India. This morning I flew to Goa. I had checked out a beach huts on-line and even messaged a few. They all wanted pre-payment by wire transfer. Yeah...not so much. I decided I would just show up and hope they had room.

At the Goa airport, I retrieved my suitcase quickly, stopped at the pre-paid taxi stand inside of the airport(apparently if you don't take a pre-paid one, you get scammed). I was led to my taxi and hopped in. About 15 minutes into driving my driver stops the car and another car pulled up beside us. My driver gets out, and hands my suitcase to his friend and says "this my brother, he take you". My heart sank. My suitcase already in the other taxi and cars were whizzing by I hopped in. I realised my pepper spray was in my suitcase. My new driver introduced himself(he could probably sense the "I'll cut you" aura I was emitting.) His name was Yogi. I thought one of two things: I'm going to get robbed or he is going to try and charge me a higher fare.

 Driving here is like nothing I have ever seen. There were many times I just had to close my eyes. Anyway, Yogi got me to my destination and I paid the pre-arranged fare without any problems. I'm staying in a beach hut. It really is a hut. I've got my own balcony. As I walked to the Internet cafe I passed two warthogs and two back packers walking barefoot. Really people?

I'm exhausted. I need a nap. Ciao for now!

Deuces#2

Hey homies! I know I suck ass lately but I've been busy. I leave for India today and I promise they updates with be ORGASMIC. There are still 2 dates that I need to write about. They are on their way! For now PEACE OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Date#27

SPEED DATING

Last week I took a dive into the speed dating pool with my friend "Amarula".  We met up to discuss my India trip and she mentioned she was going to a session. She was thoroughly excited and her fervour was infectious! I decided to join her.

I've been in a bit of a slump and looking like a shlumpadinka . For days before speed dating I looked homeless, my moustache was in full force and I left the house in jogging pants that had a bleach stain on them. I just didn't care. That day I gussied myself up: did my hair, painted my face and got dressed. I picked up Amarula and she could sense my nervous energy. She assured me, there was no need for it.

We arrived to a crowded restaurant. The turnout was bigger than I expected. We signed in, put on our name tags and they explained the process. I surveyed the room. There was no one that I was attracted to. I sat in my assigned area and shortly after the parade of men began.

I think I saw about 20 men, four minutes each. Everyone was friendly. There was one eastern bloc guy that wore a severely tight muscle shirt, the American that wore a hoodie, the awkward but friendly video game store owner, the Egyptian pharmacist and it goes on and on and on...

There was a break half-way and the one of the hosts came up to me and asked how I was doing. He looked at my sheet and noticed there were X's(no) beside every name. He told me I should be more open-minded. I listened. At the end I checked off two guys: the Egyptian pharmacist and a firefigther. I wasn't super interested in either but I thought I would be "open-minded".  Its only considered a match if both parties select one another. The next day I got an email saying " sorry there were no matches for you. We are pleased to offer you 25% off our next session." Blow me.

Date#25

Codename:Daft
Nationality:Canadian
Age:34
Occupation:Insurance


He works downtown and the original plan was to meet there. He decided that we should meet closer to his residence in the burbs. I obliged because it was closer for me and I really don't give a flying f**k. We met at a big chain restaurant that serves local peasant fare. I ate dinner prior to our meeting(I didn't want to spend money needlessly, in case I had to pay my own way).

I sat at down and waited for him. He was seven minutes late and more cock-eyed than I remember in his picture. I think he went home, showered and tried to look his best. I barely combed my hair and I also noticed some dry, peeling skin on my nose and I left it there(a sign that the apocalypse is near).

He ordered dinner(I thought about how this would prolong things). I just ordered a drink. He talked about insurance and asked if I was insured. I lied and said yes. He said he loves to travel. When I asked him where he's been he said "Florida and California".

We didn't have much in common. There were countless awkward silences. As soon as he finished his meal. I said I had to meet a friend. I lied I went across the street to a book store and purchased an India guide book.