Date#29- What's my name?(Part Deux)

Name:Dementia
Age:32
Occupation:From a family of farmers/ran his own e-commerce business
Nationality:Punjabi- Canadian


The next day, I tried my best to avoid them. I spent most of the day on the beach, getting a massage, drinking several mango lassi and Kingfisher beers. It was my last day in Goa and I wanted to soak up every minute of it.  I had moved to the Canadian's house because they no longer had room for me in the tents(I sprung on them last minute that I wanted to stay an extra day. They were gracious enough to put me up in their home.) It wasn't until the evening when I ran into the trio. Skeet rushed over and gave me a big hug. I silently wondered what his brother told him. Chipper said hello, but it seemed awkward and tense. I joined them for a few minutes as they discussed their evening plans. They didn't invite me and I wasn't about to invite myself. I also had a very early wake-up call. When they were leaving, I asked if I could hitch a ride down the block in their taxi (it's a seven minute walk but not lit at all). During that very short short taxi ride they convinced me to join them for the evening.


We drove for about  20 kms to a night market. Shortly after we got there, Skeet and white-dread went ventured off and Chipper was engaged in some asinine conversation with other foreigners. I was busy looking at earrings. He came strolling over and asked where his brother and white-dread were. I thought he knew of their whereabouts. We had lost them. We spent about twenty minutes searching. It was a very large market and none of us had cell phones(well I had one but I wasn't prepared to use it and incur large roaming fees.) We came to the realisation that our search was futile. We decided to enjoy the night market. After all,they were adults and they had one another.

We strolled through the market, he held my hand and tried kissing me. I let him even though I hate PDA and I had no interest in him. I stopped at a booth and wanted to purchase some paper stars. He said" let me handle this." He haggled with the vendor, in Hindi, to the point of exhaustion. The man told us to leave. I did not get my paper stars. Great handling...

We stood listening to some live music, when he saw someone he knew. He chatted for a while and then went to introduce us " Shawn this is........Umm....Umm....Sorry what's your name again?" OH NO YOU DIDN'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The same guy who stuck his tongue down my throat, and wanted to come into my tent and hold my hand, also forgets my good name. BLASPHEMY! I stood there in shock for a couple of seconds. I managed to utter "Rhodesia" through a clenched jaw. My mind was a flurry with thoughts of how to punish the heathen. After his friend left, I remained quiet. He asked me what was wrong to which I replied" the same guy that sticks his tongue down my throat and wants to come into my tent, doesn't recall my name...interesting." He apologised profusely for several minutes. It was then it dawned on me that I was stuck with this turdbasket for the rest of the night. His friend and brother were nowhere in site and I didn't want to take a taxi back to the tents on my own. It was also my last night in Goa. I swallowed my pride and decided to continue  on with the evening (although I was cruel to him on several occasions and I thoroughly enjoyed it.)

We decided to head to the club called "Tito's". It has the distinction of being the largest and cheesiest club in Goa. That was the original plan and we thought maybe, we might run into his party. We arrived and paid some ridiculous entrance fee(well maybe $5). The club was separated into two sides:Indian music on one, and Electronic/Techno music on the other. We stayed on the Indian side for a while. At times I felt like he was trying to be controversial by dancing extremely close to me...just a feeling I had. When a Punjabi song came on, he went crazy! With the subsequent Punjabi songs, he felt the need to translate the lyrics for me...After the third song, I had to suppress the urge to stab him in his trachea. Instead, I suggested we go to the other side. Loud, infuriating techno, was the music of choice. I took a swig of some liquor and tried to dance to the repugnant music. He spotted a young Indian man dancing with his girlfriend and said "sometimes I look at my people and think we can't dance. Lemme show him how it's done. "

What followed was something I could only describe as a  mystifying display of jutting arms, moving out of sync with flailing legs, something not unlike this. I saw two Russian girls laughing hysterically in the corner. I was too horrified to laugh or speak or breathe. I had no intention of giving him the poon, but now there was a better chance of him mounting a cow. We left shortly after.

 I decided to be nice to him. I didn't slap his hand away when he went to hold it. I didn't pull away when he went in for a kiss. It was all part of my plan. We searched for a rickshaw and I stood on the sidelines and watched him haggle with the rickshaw driver. He grabbed my arm and said "let's start walking".

I said "why can't we just get in the rickshaw? We can't walk from here."
"He's going to follow us and I'll get my price."

I was beyond annoyed. The rickshaw driver, as predicted, came roaring up beside us. We only paid 50 rupees less than the original asking price, for twenty minutes of my life that I will never get back! Was it worth it? Really?

We arrived back at the tents. We ran into white dread, who had lost his brother at the market and was hopping on her scooter to go find him. I used the bathroom in his tent and when I emerged, he looked surprised that I came out. I think he was expecting me to disrobe and lie there waiting for him. NOT BLOODY LIKELY! I asked him to walk me to the Canadian's house, which was a only a block away, but at night its frighteningly dark. He agreed.

We stood outside her house, where he proceeded to assault my mouth. I waited until he was sufficiently aroused and said "What's my name?"
"Rhodesia!"
"Peace out!"

I left him standing there on the porch.

Date#29- What's my name?

Name:Dementia
Age:32
Occupation:From a family of farmers/ran his own e-commerce business
Nationality:Punjabi- Canadian


I had settled into my favourite accommodation in Anjuna, Goa. (I'm cautious in my wording of this entry because I am paranoid that certain people may google things and find this blog.) One of the owners was an amazing Canadian woman who took me under her wings. When another batch of Canadians came to stay(which is rare, as it's mostly European tourists) she introduced me during dinner. They came in three: twin brothers Chipper and Skeet(these were not their names but close enough) and their female friend of the white-dread variety. They hailed from Vancouver and made a few jokes about Toronto. Skeet told me of his life back home with his partner. Chipper showed me pictures of their trip and a luxurious wedding they attended in Punjab. I noticed Chipper kept giving me the eye(which I'd promptly turn away from). Chipper was about 6'1, fair(Indian)skin, clean shaven head and face, thick dark eyebrows that framed his large brown eyes. He was moderately handsome, but no panty-wetter by any means. They invited me to spend the evening with them. I agreed.

We went to a bar that played live music. The hippies played blues, jazz, blue grass and everything in between. I tried Caju/Feni(local potent liquor made from cashews) for the first time.We left to attend some lame ass trance party. For me, trance is the kind of music that requires youth and inebriation to enjoy. I no longer had the former, so I went with the latter and had another shot of Feni. Shortly after Skeet left. So the three of us, Chipper, white dread and I decided to walk to the other end of the beach to check out another party. When we passed our tents white-dread decided she wanted to use the washroom and she'd meet us further down the beach. Chipper and I walked until we found a lounge chair and sat there staring at the full moon and stars. He ruined the moment by saying"this would be a great make-out spot!" He then turned and kissed me. I knew from that moment I had absolutely no interest in him, but as he swallowed my face I thought" well, I've got nothing better to do." I interrupted the succubus to tell him we should keep walking and find the other party. We trekked for a short while and then he suddenly stopped. We stood there, on the rocks, with the Arabian Sea crashing against them. As he tried to stick his tongue down my throat, I couldn't help think about how perfect this moment would be with someone I actually liked. The white dread returned and we looked for the party in vain. We decided to call it a night.

As we entered our tent area, security(from bamboo cabanas on stilts) flashed light in our faces, making sure we were guests. White dread headed towards her tent and I noticed someone trailing behind me. When I got to my tent, I turned and said" ok then, goodnight." To which he replies" oh, um, I thought I could come in and snuggle." Ummm, HELL to the NO! Instead, I politely told him that eyes were watching (I could see the staff in the cabanas flashlights aimed at us, watching it all go down.) I told him he could join me on my terrace for a chat. We sat there for a while until I declared I was tired and going to bed. He leaned in for a kiss. I said no and pointed to the cabana. He asked me why I cared what they thought. I had become friendly with some of the guys who worked there. They already view western women as easy. I didn't want to solidify this image. Perhaps I would have for someone I liked...

Continuation in part deux

Date#28

Name: Deepak(that was actually his real name. I know there is no chance in hell of him seeing this so...)
Age:25
Occupation:Waiter
Nationality:Nepali


I took a stroll down Palolem Beach, looking for somewhere to dine. I randomly picked a spot and a young, handsome waiter approached. I ordered a Goan steak(because I knew for the rest of the trip, finding beef would prove difficult). We spoke briefly. I noted his accent and features were quite unusual for the region. I asked him where he was from, to which he said"Nepal" with a big endearing smile. I ate my meal and left in search of a lame party(because of noise laws, loud music must cease at 10pm. So they have headphone parties...which is as wack as it sounds).

The following night I attempted to walk past the restaurant to use the Internet cafe next door. I had to intention of eating there again(the food was good but I like to mix it up). Deepak saw me and inquired where I was going and if I was coming to eat dinner. There was something really calming about his presence, so I promised I would come back.

I sat down to an enjoyable dinner with Deepak frequently coming to my table to check up on me and engage in conversation. When I finished my meal, he asked if we could sit for a while. We walked over some tables on the beach and he pulled out a chair for me. He spoke in short,terse sentences and often apologized for his English.  He felt like he spoke too much. I told him to keep talking, I found him something about him intoxicating—not in a sexual way, but he drew me in.  He told me of his family back in Kathmandu, saving money for his sister's dowry, and turmoil of living far from home. He wondered why, at my age I wasn't married. I tried to come up with a feasible answer. I didn't have one. I asked him why he wasn't married or engaged. He wanted to ensure his sister was married and then his mother would find someone for him. He told me of his dreams to start a restaurant in a smaller town near by and told me about how delicious Nepali food is. We sat there for a long time, just chatting. There was something about his energy that was calming for me. I liked him.

 Loud techno music blared from the other end of the beach. I asked him if he went to the parties to which he replied"No, no. I make 100 rupees a night. Enter is 500 rupees." I was embarrassed at my ignorance. It was getting late, so I told him I had to go. He said "wait,wait,wait one minute". He ran to the shop next door and came back with a small Goan treat that looked like peanut brittle. I was moved by the gesture(even though I had no intention of eating it because I detest peanuts). I clasped his hand and slipped a $10CAD note to him. I told him it was for his restaurant. I didn't mean for it to be demeaning, condescending or charity; I genuinely wanted this to go towards his endeavour. He promptly put the note in his pocket. He gave me his email address and password. I told him I didn't need the password and tried to explain that he shouldn't  give it out.  I gave him a kiss on the cheek and said goodbye.

That night I had a very strange dream. I lay sleeping in my beach hut, when a sudden swarm of locusts enveloped the room. The bamboo door burst open and a shirtless Deepak swept me off my feet and rescued me. The dream flashed forward to a life in Nepal. I had abandoned any semblance of my life in Canada. Deepak and I trekking  through the foothills of the Himalaya's with our two children Lakshmi and Deepak jr. The sound of roosters crowing, just outside my hut, awoke me from that blissful dream...

Date#26

Sorry peeps! This one is from before I left. Don't get excited because it was just as dismal as most of my dates. Enjoy.

Codename:Separated
Age:38
Occupation:Contractor
Nationality:Italian-Canadian

I tried to make my dates as diverse as possible. This one was my first divorcee. I cheated a little bit and went on a coffee shop date. It was only a couple days before I left and I still had loads of crap to do. He drove to my area. He was there first. He was moderately attractive, medium build and height, dark-haired and olive-skinned. He looked a bit homely. He wore a sweater that looked it came from the Sears young men's collection and dad jeans.

He got me a mint tea and he had coffee. We spoke of our lives. He's not officially divorced yet(I didn't particularly care because I knew it was going nowhere.) He told me of his favourite ex-girlfriend(who was Jamaican). He spoke of getting married to early and being emasculated by his wife. At that point, I felt like I was becoming his therapist. I told him I was going to India on my own. He told me I was nuts. I told him I had to get home and pack. This one lasted about 35 minutes. While saying our goodbyes, he mentioned that he would love to see me on my return. Not bloody likely.

Date#27

SPEED DATING

Last week I took a dive into the speed dating pool with my friend "Amarula".  We met up to discuss my India trip and she mentioned she was going to a session. She was thoroughly excited and her fervour was infectious! I decided to join her.

I've been in a bit of a slump and looking like a shlumpadinka . For days before speed dating I looked homeless, my moustache was in full force and I left the house in jogging pants that had a bleach stain on them. I just didn't care. That day I gussied myself up: did my hair, painted my face and got dressed. I picked up Amarula and she could sense my nervous energy. She assured me, there was no need for it.

We arrived to a crowded restaurant. The turnout was bigger than I expected. We signed in, put on our name tags and they explained the process. I surveyed the room. There was no one that I was attracted to. I sat in my assigned area and shortly after the parade of men began.

I think I saw about 20 men, four minutes each. Everyone was friendly. There was one eastern bloc guy that wore a severely tight muscle shirt, the American that wore a hoodie, the awkward but friendly video game store owner, the Egyptian pharmacist and it goes on and on and on...

There was a break half-way and the one of the hosts came up to me and asked how I was doing. He looked at my sheet and noticed there were X's(no) beside every name. He told me I should be more open-minded. I listened. At the end I checked off two guys: the Egyptian pharmacist and a firefigther. I wasn't super interested in either but I thought I would be "open-minded".  Its only considered a match if both parties select one another. The next day I got an email saying " sorry there were no matches for you. We are pleased to offer you 25% off our next session." Blow me.

Date#25

Codename:Daft
Nationality:Canadian
Age:34
Occupation:Insurance


He works downtown and the original plan was to meet there. He decided that we should meet closer to his residence in the burbs. I obliged because it was closer for me and I really don't give a flying f**k. We met at a big chain restaurant that serves local peasant fare. I ate dinner prior to our meeting(I didn't want to spend money needlessly, in case I had to pay my own way).

I sat at down and waited for him. He was seven minutes late and more cock-eyed than I remember in his picture. I think he went home, showered and tried to look his best. I barely combed my hair and I also noticed some dry, peeling skin on my nose and I left it there(a sign that the apocalypse is near).

He ordered dinner(I thought about how this would prolong things). I just ordered a drink. He talked about insurance and asked if I was insured. I lied and said yes. He said he loves to travel. When I asked him where he's been he said "Florida and California".

We didn't have much in common. There were countless awkward silences. As soon as he finished his meal. I said I had to meet a friend. I lied I went across the street to a book store and purchased an India guide book.

Date#24

Codename:Prince of Persia

Occupation:Transportation business

Nationality:Canadian(Iranian descent)

Age:36

This date happened since last week. There is no fire left in me. Someone asked me the other day if I take these dates seriously. The answer is no. I don't think I'm going to find the love of my life this way. I view this soley as an experiment. Anywhoo, here it is:

We met for a drink(banning me from coffee shop dates doesn't mean I can't make them quick). I was there ahead of time. He walked in sporting some tight jeans and when he took off this jacket, he was wearing a Jamaican zip-up hoodie. From that point(in my mind anyway), it was over. Perhaps he thought I was Jamaican. I am not. We settled in. He wasn't bad looking, good height, nice features, but he had a mild version of this. He went on to say that he loves Jamaica and how he had been on several occasions. I told him I'm not Jamaican. His disapointment was palpable. He asked me if I like dancehall. I told him no. He joked "what kind of West Indian are you?" The kind that pulls out a cutlass and chops your kebab off.

I had one drink and said I had to meet a friend who was in distress. He told me I seemed a little cold. I told him I wasn't feeling well. What I wanted to say was "I'm not feeling you". He paid the bill and we parted ways. This one lasted just under an hour.

Date#23

Codename:Handkerchief

Nationality:Chinese-Canadian
Occupation:Defence contractor
Age:28

You may remember Handkerchief from dates #14 and #15. I hadn't heard from him in a while. He contacted me again and I decided to try him out, one more time.

I tried to cancel on him because my eyes were hurting and I was tired. He was extremely busy for the rest of the week. I sucked it up and met him for dinner at a Japanese restaurant of his choosing. I arrived before him and got seated at a booth. When he arrived, we hugged and he proceeded to sit beside me in the booth(which means I had to crane my neck to look at his bloodclawt mug).

We got reacquainted and I realized I had absolutely no interest in him. He would touch my hands and try to give me puppy dog eyes. He said he felt like he didn't know me. That I'm hard to read. I told him he seemed conservative and I that I didn't think he could handle my sense of humour. He said that I should ask him questions to get to know him better. I feel like I did that on the first and second date. Is this a dating show? If you want me to know something, tell me. Discourse should flow organically. It didn't. He said I seemed  uncomfortable with PDA. If I have no interest in you, yes..yes I am.

We were there for about 90mins. At the end, I think he could tell I wanted to skedaddle. The bill came, I did the reach. I gave him money for half of the bill(minus tip) hoping he would say"no, I've got it". I'm on a tight budget and if I knew I would be paying my own way I wouldn't have had a glass of wine(which he encouraged me to have) and he ordered two appetizers. He said" Ok, I'll cover the tip as well". Mother f@*ker ! You had two glasses of wine! Please don't think I'm a gold-digger but I'm penny-pinching these days.

He helped me with my coat and tried to open the doors, but I opened them myself. He escorted me to my car and I think he was hoping for a kiss. He had a cut on his chin from shaving and his lips looked a bit dehydrated. Not a chance in hell. I haven't kissed any of these dates. Not-a-one. He looked at me with sad eyes as I went in for a hug. I think we both knew this was our last date.

Date#22

Codename:Frown
Age:34
Occupation:Civil servant
Nationality:Canadian(Portuguese/English descent)


We met a cafe. He arrived first. I recognized him immediately. He looked like his picture— dark hair, medium-olive tone. Not ugly, but not a panty soaker by any means. He smiled, I walked over. We sat at booth in the corner. I ordered a latte(at 7pm which was an asinine idea because I don't drink a lot of coffee and I was unable to sleep that night) and sweet potato fries. He ordered espresso and quiche. He seemed nervous. He said he hadn't been on a date in a while(he recently ended a 5 year relationship). He spoke for maybe twenty minutes about what went wrong in his previous relationship. I feigned listening intently...instead this was playing in my head. I wondered if I farted quietly, I would remain undetected. I decided against it and suffered in silence for the rest of the date.

He continued to speak of his life and how he suffered with depression and how he conquered it. He talked about his dog, his love of hockey and it goes on and on. It wasn't until more than half-way through the date he asked me about my interests. By then, I had forgotten who I was, my chin hairs had turned gray and I had gone through menopause. I lied and told him I had two cats named Pussy Galore and Whiskers. He asked what kind of cats. I told him I don't like to talk about them(because I don't own any bloodclawt cats and have no clue about breeds. I should have thought that lie out more thoroughly).

It was as dry and the Sahara after that. Once someone monopolizes the conversation, I lose all interest. It lasted about 1hr and10mins. Only 8 more to go!!!!!!!

Date#21

CODENAME: Lagos
AGE:26
NATIONALITY: Nigerian(only in Canada for two years)
OCCUPATION: Entrepreneur?

This whole experiment has been an exercise in patience and so far...futile. If you recall from this date, I have a list of banned nationalities. Before someone writes a rude comment or tries to rip me a new one—we all have our preferences, so deal with it. In the interest of being more open-minded, less judgemental,blah, blah blah, I decided to go on a date with another banned nationality—Nigerian. Here is what that yielded:

We spoke briefly on the phone a few days before our date. I found it quite difficult to understand him through the dense fog of his Nigerian accent. We chose a day, I told him to pick the place and get back to me. His choice was a chain restaurant at one of the busiest malls in the GTA(A few days before Christmas? Are you mad?) I wrote back and told him to choose somewhere else. Oh, and choose he did...

This next day(the day of our date) I received a text message(while at work) from Lagos with the co-ordinates for our new date location. I stared at my phone in disbelief. It said" Let's meet @ Hooters @ 7:30pm." Scusi? For my non-North American readers click here to familiarize yourself with this fine dining establishment. I bitched and moaned all day. I told all my co-workers about it. They informed me that this particular location was located near this tawdry gentleman's club. At that point, I decided I would bring scissors or a sharpened pencil with me, just in case.

 You may ask yourself why I went on this date; I'll be completely frank: 1)I am running out of time. 2)The blog has sucked lately and I knew it would make for good material.3) I needed a laugh.

I arrived before he did. When I walked in my skin immediately began to itch. I sat at a booth and  noticed that instead of napkins, they had rolls of paper towel at each table. I let out a deep, audible sigh. I am sure the other patrons wondered why such a regal woman like myself, was dining at such an unseemly place. A few minutes later, Lagos arrived.

He looked the same as his picture—squnity eyed and bulbous nosed. His eyes were a shade of red that I could only describe as...menstrual. It's nice when a man smokes up before your date and then douses himself in cologne to hide any trace. He said he wasn't very hungry. I perused the peasant menu and ordered the chicken wings and quesidillas. We spoke of our lives. He said that he lived out west before coming to Toronto. He spoke of travelling to Saskatchewan: Saskatoon, Regina and Medicine hat. I asked what he did in those god-forsaken places(I KID). He said he and his friends were conducting business. When I inquired what type of business he said" you know, business". Mmmhmm.

I noticed him looking at his watch several times. I also noticed him looking at our waitress' ass on more than one occasion. Classy... He spoke of partying at douchey places, his family and friends. He ate some of the chicken wings and proceeded to run his tongue along his teeth(trying to remove chicken wing debris.) He asked the waitress for a toothpick. He proceeded to pick his teeth at the table. That toothpick remained in his mouth the remainder of the date. As I watched him swirl it around his mouth, I envisioned myself jamming it up his nostril until it disappeared.

 I told him I had to meet a friend later on. I did "the reach", but he grabbed the bill and paid it. The waitress asked if he needed change. He said no. He seemed to think that was pretty noble. You took me to Hooters. There is nothing noble in that.

We said our goodbyes. A few minutes later I receive at text saying" It was nice hangin wit u." Were we on the same date?

Date#20

 So little time, so many dates... It's as cold outside, as it is in my heart, but I am determined to get these dates done.

Codename:Jammin
Age:34
Nationality: Canadian(Jamaican descent)
Occupation:Marketing

The ban on the coffee shop dates makes things very difficult for me. It means the days of 40 minute dates are over. It means I have to sit through an appetizer...and a main and nauseating conversation. Luckily, this one was drinks only.

We met at a small bar. I didn't look my best(frankly, I didn't care to). We sat in a quiet corner. He was average build, square-ish head and nostrils that I could drive a school bus into. The conversation flowed easily enough. He said he liked sports and PS3.  He spoke mostly of himself and business plans. He made a crack about me being of Guyanese descent. I thought about putting arsenic or a roofie in his drink, when he stepped away to use the men's room. He was in there for quite a while. I suspect one of three things happened in that bathroom:1)He took a pooper, 2)He went for a wank, 3)He was messaging his friends, telling them about his horrible date.

Shortly after he came back, he said he had to get up pretty early. I said I had to go home and groom my cats. (I said it solely for my own entertainment. I don't own any cats, nor have the desire to.) He paid the bill. We shook hands and said goodbye, neither of us mentioning a future rendezvous.

Date#19 The last of the coffee shop dates

I just had a great Skype session with my dear friend Stephanie. I told her about last week's dates. She banned me from going on anymore coffee shop dates. I  have to agree. I go on them because I know they'll be quick and less painful. She ripped me a new one(as she often does), telling me these men put forth no effort and don't deserve my time. The next 11 dates will NOT be coffee shop dates!

Codename:Cornwall
Age:32
Occupation:Project manager
Nationality:Canadian(Caucasian)

This one was an E Harmony find. You would think after filling out an exhaustive questionnaire, this method would yield better results. It didn't. The free trial is over. I have no intention of paying for a membership.

His sandy brown hair looked like a porcupine quills. He wore a striped dress shirt with a sweater vest over it. He had country-farm-virgin written all over him. He seemed a bit nervous. He said he had just joined the website and that I was his first date(with someone he met online). He told me I was very pretty. I said thank-you. I'm not going to be mean because he was very nice. He just...wasn't...I think he needs a Mormon girl or something. I put him out of his misery and ended the date at 38mins. I made up some lame excuse and met friends for drinks.

Date#18

Sorry once again peeps. Its been a week of dismal dates. I didn't make it to five dates this week. This is due to missing out on speed dating(a friend and I messed up the timing and location). The other date fell through when I realized he was an idiot and I deleted him from my BBM. So, I only ended up with three dates this week. All of them were...special. These dates happened earlier in the week, but  I found myself suffering from a massive case of writer's block. I had things to write about, but I found myself sitting, staring at the blank screen. I feel like I'm not really present on these dates. That's probably why they are so horrid. Anywhoo, here it is:

Codename:Dud
Age:34
Occupation: Can't remember
Nationality: Canadian(Caucasian)

Another date that involved coffee beans. We met at a coffee shop in my area because I was low on gas and didn't feel like travelling. He was there before me. He was even pastier in person. His complexion resembled that of buttermilk. He looked very straight-laced. We started chatting and the inevitable Christmas topic came up. He asked me if I started my shopping. I replied that I didn't having any shopping to do. He asked why. I told him that I don't celebrate Christmas. He asked if I was a Jehovah's witness. I told him I was an atheist. His countenance changed. He said he was Anglican. He asked what I do during Christmas. I told him I invite other atheists over and we burn Christmas trees and pictures of Santa. He didn't find my joke too amusing. After that it was pretty awkward. This one lasted about 55mins.

Date#17

Sorry for the tardiness. I went on this date on Sunday, but it was dismal as usual so I wasn't in the mood to write about it.  I had one lined up for Monday but he ended up being a turdbasket, so the date never happened.Here i\is #17:

Codename:DesiFest
Age:28
Occupation:Engineer
Nationality:Indian-Canadian

Another coffee shop date. It has come to the point where I actually start suggesting them. I know they"ll be quick and less painful.

We met at a big chain coffee shop. I knew there was no chance, the moment I laid eyes on him. He wore a navy sweater and jeans, not ugly, but definitely not a looker. We discussed many things. I told him that I plan on going to India. He told me I was crazy and that I would get robbed or worse. He suggested that I wait until he's going and he would be my guide. I'll pass. He was very intelligent, but not the least bit modest about it. It was a complete turn off. I finished my large tea and our date. A total of 47 mins(yes I do time them).

Five dates in one week...

How do I follow a post like Josh's? His post has inspired me to work harder on my journey. You should know by now that I am a consummate procrastinator... so I'm on a tight schedule and my injury doesn't make things any easier. I'm off work for a bit, so I have a lot of free time. I'm working on a couple of things that I have been putting off, but also I will attempt a giant feat...five dates in one week! To some(Stephanie) this may seem like nothing. Remember, this is coming from a girl who went on two dates in 2009.

As I told you, I joined E Harmony. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle this situation. A couple of men have requested communication, but I can't see what they look like( I would have to pay in order to see their pictures and we all know that's not happening). Perhaps I should dash my shallow ways and go into it blind?
What if I have a great rapport with someone online, we meet and he looks like Quasimodo? This could make things very interesting...What the hell! I'm going to do it! Quasimodo, here I come!

Date#16

Codename:El Greco
Occupation:Entrepreneur
Age:32
Nationality: Greek-Canadian
Height: 5'10


This was a last minute date. I was supposed to meet with a friend, but she cancelled on me. This dude had been on my nut sack, so I thought I'd give him a try. I put a ban on Greek guys a long time ago(don't get offended—I also have a ban on Nigerians, Russians, Romanians, and Vietnamese guys). I thought I would squash my prejudice for a moment.

It was another coffee shop date. It rained all evening. I was tempted to cancel. He suggested coming to my area, I said I would come to his(in case I ran into anyone I knew or he tried to follow me home). He was four minutes late and his cologne arrived before he did. He had short dark hair, olive skin, big brown eyes and a copious amount of hair product; I imagined that if I ran my hands through it, I could then lotion my body and wax a car. He wore jeans with some weird wash and one of his fanciest t-shirts.

As soon as he opened his mouth I knew it would go nowhere. We talked about his business, Greece and how it has the best beaches, people, music, etc... I love my Greek homies and appreciate Greek culture. What I don't appreciate is turdbaskets who toot their own horns excessively. He said that he's always wanted to date a black girl. I smiled faintly(hiding my disdain and the urge to stab him in his eye). I asked him if he would bring one home. He said that most likely he's going to marry a Greek or European girl. Thanks for your honesty, but why are you wasting my blooclawt time? He asked me if I like Greek guys. I said no.

It ended soon after. I think the ban will be reinforced.

Dating

My friend Stephanie ripped me a new a**hole in the comments section of date#15. I deserved it. I complain about meeting turdbaskets and when a nice young man steps into the picture, I sabotage it. I will try harder, but if there is no fire down below, what's a girl to do? Edelweiss may come back into the picture. Things could get interesting...

Date#15-Half-way there

Codename:handkerchief
Nationality:Chinese-Canadian
Occupation:Defence contractor
Age:28


Here we are, half-way done. It has taken me forever and a day to get here. This is date#2 with Handkerchief.


We went to watch the Social Network. I almost cancelled because I was tired and I'm coming down with a cold. I cancelled on him earlier in the week and I would be a major turd if I did it again. He drove to my area. I was there early waiting in my car, sending people annoying BBM messages. My Facebook updates lit up: he requested me as a friend. Now, he is a great guy, but I have a very firm rule: I do not add POF guys to my Facebook page. I have a link to my blog and I also don't want them to see me in all my glory. I'm not sure how he found me because I don't recall telling him my last name(and I am sure you've guessed by now that my real name is not Rhodesia).

Anywhoo, we met inside the theatre. He came dressed from work in a suit, I looked like a bag lady. We got our tickets and made a trip to the concession stand. He ordered a kids popcorn deal that came with a Kinder suprise. I mocked him. We sat in cinema #17 catching up on each others lives for about ten minutes before the movie started. He told me that he added me on Facebook. I cringed inside as I explained why I couldn't(or wouldn't) add him. He said he was OK with it, but I think he was a bit disappointed.

 The movie started he offered me some of his popcorn, I declined at first(because movie theatre popcorn makes me constipated). I offered him some of my banana bread(which I snuck because I always bring my own snacks to movies). I feel relaxed with him, but I just don't know if I'm ready for what he is looking for. During the movie, he kept glancing over at me(like every five minutes). He asked me if I was OK a couple of times—I am watching the blasted movie! I don't have time to stare into someones eyes longingly.

The movie ended. We chatted a bit more as he walked me to my car. I gave him a hug and we parted. I like him but I just don't know if he's for me.

Date#14

Codename:handkerchief
Nationality:Chinese-Canadian
Occupation:Defence contractorAge:28



Handkerchief was my very first Asian. Out of the many men that have messaged me over the past 6+ months, I would say less that 5% have been Asian. I have always(well not always) been open to dating men of all nationalities.


The goods:
We met at a Thai restaurant in the Annex(yeah dinner!) I was fifteen minutes late. I came rushing in and there he sat in plaid blazer, dress shirt and perfectly placed handkerchief peeking out of the breast pocket of his blazer. He's not my usual type but I thought he was cute(better than his picture). He was about 5'10, average build, short black hair and glasses. He stood as I approached. He helped me take off my coat and pulled out my chair(points!).

We perused the menu and decided to share a couple of dishes. He had a beer and I had a cold ginger beverage. We dined on green curry and tofu. We conversed about many different things. At times it was difficult to hear, as the restaurant was crowded and the adjacent tables were very close( I am sure they were listening to our conversation). I would say there was a good rapport. I broke protocol for the first time... I told him about the blog! I KNOW! I didn't give him the address, but I explained the premise. He seemed like a nice guy, so I thought I would be honest. I told him he was number 14. He said he felt used. He wanted to know to rules; If I could go on the remainder of the dates with him. I explained that I couldn't. He said that meant that I am unavailable until my little project is over. Pretty much.

The bill came. I asked him to pass my purse(the compulsory reach), he refused(YES! I got a meal and I didn't have to pay.) We decided to go for coffee. We got up to leave, he helped me put on my coat and opened the door. He was a true gentleman. We went for tea and a more quiet chat. I ordered a peppermint tea, he ordered hot chocolate. When the tea arrived and I saw that it was fresh peppermint tea I nearly jizzed in my pants(this is one of my favourite things). We stayed for about an hour and then he walked me to my car. We hugged and promised that we would do it again soon.

I had a good time. He's intelligent, he likes to travel, he knows how to salsa and  how to treat a lady. I just don't know if I'm attracted to him. I do know that I would definitely go out with him again.

Date#13

Codename: Francois
Nationailty:French(West-African descent)
Occupation:student
Age:32


Yet another coffee shop date. I drove 25km after a long day(I was on the verge of cancelling) to meet him for a non-meal. We met at one of the big chain coffee houses. He was on time. He wasn't unattractive. Dark chocolate complexion, nice smile. He wore a striped shirt and jeans. He spoke with a thick french accent and asked me several times if I spoke french. No! Je ne parle pas français! There were many awkward silences. Many. Did I say many? He told me what is studying and I didn't really understand what the ras he said, so I just nodded and smiled. He actually ended it and said he had to study...OUCH! I usually end them. It lasted just over an hour. I hate this shite.

When will I find my Prince(or Prince Rogers Nelson)?