Date#21

CODENAME: Lagos
AGE:26
NATIONALITY: Nigerian(only in Canada for two years)
OCCUPATION: Entrepreneur?

This whole experiment has been an exercise in patience and so far...futile. If you recall from this date, I have a list of banned nationalities. Before someone writes a rude comment or tries to rip me a new one—we all have our preferences, so deal with it. In the interest of being more open-minded, less judgemental,blah, blah blah, I decided to go on a date with another banned nationality—Nigerian. Here is what that yielded:

We spoke briefly on the phone a few days before our date. I found it quite difficult to understand him through the dense fog of his Nigerian accent. We chose a day, I told him to pick the place and get back to me. His choice was a chain restaurant at one of the busiest malls in the GTA(A few days before Christmas? Are you mad?) I wrote back and told him to choose somewhere else. Oh, and choose he did...

This next day(the day of our date) I received a text message(while at work) from Lagos with the co-ordinates for our new date location. I stared at my phone in disbelief. It said" Let's meet @ Hooters @ 7:30pm." Scusi? For my non-North American readers click here to familiarize yourself with this fine dining establishment. I bitched and moaned all day. I told all my co-workers about it. They informed me that this particular location was located near this tawdry gentleman's club. At that point, I decided I would bring scissors or a sharpened pencil with me, just in case.

 You may ask yourself why I went on this date; I'll be completely frank: 1)I am running out of time. 2)The blog has sucked lately and I knew it would make for good material.3) I needed a laugh.

I arrived before he did. When I walked in my skin immediately began to itch. I sat at a booth and  noticed that instead of napkins, they had rolls of paper towel at each table. I let out a deep, audible sigh. I am sure the other patrons wondered why such a regal woman like myself, was dining at such an unseemly place. A few minutes later, Lagos arrived.

He looked the same as his picture—squnity eyed and bulbous nosed. His eyes were a shade of red that I could only describe as...menstrual. It's nice when a man smokes up before your date and then douses himself in cologne to hide any trace. He said he wasn't very hungry. I perused the peasant menu and ordered the chicken wings and quesidillas. We spoke of our lives. He said that he lived out west before coming to Toronto. He spoke of travelling to Saskatchewan: Saskatoon, Regina and Medicine hat. I asked what he did in those god-forsaken places(I KID). He said he and his friends were conducting business. When I inquired what type of business he said" you know, business". Mmmhmm.

I noticed him looking at his watch several times. I also noticed him looking at our waitress' ass on more than one occasion. Classy... He spoke of partying at douchey places, his family and friends. He ate some of the chicken wings and proceeded to run his tongue along his teeth(trying to remove chicken wing debris.) He asked the waitress for a toothpick. He proceeded to pick his teeth at the table. That toothpick remained in his mouth the remainder of the date. As I watched him swirl it around his mouth, I envisioned myself jamming it up his nostril until it disappeared.

 I told him I had to meet a friend later on. I did "the reach", but he grabbed the bill and paid it. The waitress asked if he needed change. He said no. He seemed to think that was pretty noble. You took me to Hooters. There is nothing noble in that.

We said our goodbyes. A few minutes later I receive at text saying" It was nice hangin wit u." Were we on the same date?