Take me to the zoo...

Only a few weeks and I will be rid of this experiment, these wretched dates and the nauseating experience of on-line dating. I will never look back...I've got a date from last week to write about. It's getting harder and harder to write about them. It's like I can't find the humour in it anymore—only my suffering. If you haven't guessed, I am having a cyclical mood swing again. Brace yourselves.

hornyfire: wow ur a real cutie i was wondering if i can invite u for a drink or to the zoo....cause i realy would like to meet such a cuteness like u r.
 I just want to inform you that his screen name really did include horny. I only tweaked it slightly to protect his anonymity. I can't  fathom why you would want to take a date to the zoo? Perhaps he thinks the raw, carnal nature of it all would make a woman want to mount him. Not this woman. Not in this mother fuckin lifetime. This was on his profile:

Profile:You know Confidence attract women. As long as you believe what you're saying, you can pretty much say anything that isn't about yourself and they'll eat it up. Women are like some jungle predators: if they smell fear, they'll destroy you, but if you counter, they'll back down. When you go up to talk to women, you're cornered, but your goal is to back them down. i try to be confident, n i lke to be there for my girl everytime and try to be playful when necessary.
 I seriously think he's into beastiality. What's with all the animal references? A part of me wants to tie him up, throw raw meat at him and whip him until he performs tricks. I don't think he grasps that women and not men will be reading his profile. What woman in her right mind would be interested after reading that shite?



zilliionaire:YO!
Yo what you freakin twat? When reading these messages, I sometimes envision myself relaxing my anal sphincter and taking a big heaping s!@$ on them. After all, that's what I feel like when I open my inbox most days—like someone took a big heaping crap on my face. I only want to pay it forward. Here is what his profile said:
Profile:Am kool headed and easy going likes all kinds of music interest include out door activities ski some times during winter and goes watching live games .Outside of all these i takes time to better mai self and expand on mai own business and build aa better network.
I have no words to express my sorrow; It lies in the absence of punctuation, in the total and unabashed degradation of the English language,  and in the possibility that this man may spread his seed and repopulate the earth.