Only a few weeks and I will be rid of this experiment, these wretched dates and the nauseating experience of on-line dating. I will never look back...I've got a date from last week to write about. It's getting harder and harder to write about them. It's like I can't find the humour in it anymore—only my suffering. If you haven't guessed, I am having a cyclical mood swing again. Brace yourselves.
hornyfire: wow ur a real cutie i was wondering if i can invite u for a drink or to the zoo....cause i realy would like to meet such a cuteness like u r.
I just want to inform you that his screen name really did include horny. I only tweaked it slightly to protect his anonymity. I can't fathom why you would want to take a date to the zoo? Perhaps he thinks the raw, carnal nature of it all would make a woman want to mount him. Not this woman. Not in this mother fuckin lifetime. This was on his profile:
Profile:You know Confidence attract women. As long as you believe what you're saying, you can pretty much say anything that isn't about yourself and they'll eat it up. Women are like some jungle predators: if they smell fear, they'll destroy you, but if you counter, they'll back down. When you go up to talk to women, you're cornered, but your goal is to back them down. i try to be confident, n i lke to be there for my girl everytime and try to be playful when necessary.
I seriously think he's into beastiality. What's with all the animal references? A part of me wants to tie him up, throw raw meat at him and whip him until he performs tricks. I don't think he grasps that women and not men will be reading his profile. What woman in her right mind would be interested after reading that shite?
zilliionaire:YO!
Yo what you freakin twat? When reading these messages, I sometimes envision myself relaxing my anal sphincter and taking a big heaping s!@$ on them. After all, that's what I feel like when I open my inbox most days—like someone took a big heaping crap on my face. I only want to pay it forward. Here is what his profile said:
Profile:Am kool headed and easy going likes all kinds of music interest include out door activities ski some times during winter and goes watching live games .Outside of all these i takes time to better mai self and expand on mai own business and build aa better network.
I have no words to express my sorrow; It lies in the absence of punctuation, in the total and unabashed degradation of the English language, and in the possibility that this man may spread his seed and repopulate the earth.
Showing posts with label On-line dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label On-line dating. Show all posts
Monday, January 3, 2011
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
E Harmony
Many people have told me to try this site. I never did because you have to pay for it(Yes, I'm a cheapass) and I have gotten mixed reviews. Apparently, they have a free trial at the until the end of November. Free= I'm trying it! I will let you know if I meet the love of my life.
Friday, October 1, 2010
POF wanks
Going back to the root of what started this blog—insulting men from POF. A few peeps have told me that they miss this part and they want to see more of it. I will try and post them more frequently, but the freaks don't come out as much...or maybe I have just become immune.
mango33:(message#1)There is a miracle called Friendship.I'm wishing at this time for miracle to hapend to for u to be my friend.I know now why Shakespeare could not compare his love to a summer’s day.
What the ras are you talking about? Like this turdbasket has ever read some mother f**ckin Shakespeare. Why is the word friendship capitalized?
mango33:(message #2)It would be a crime to denounce the beauty
of such a creature as u are be u men on pic
Creature? That title should be reserved for Sasquatch or the lochness monster— I am a lady. I read the highlighted part of this sentence over and over again, trying to decipher what language he speaks. It must be some peasant dialect that I am not familiar with.
ras77:dear my weekend was grt could have been better if i had a princes like u beside me,lol,how was urs hope pof is treating u well,i think im done with this site it so may white girls that will not let a brother meet a sweet sister like u
What happened to periods and capital letters and spelling you? So you blame white girls for not meeting a "sweet sister" like me? How about the fact that you can't spell princess, or the fact that you are wearing a t-shirt that looks like my night-shirt or the fact that you have a doo-rag on in your profile pic, or the fact that you say you want a "trained woman". This wanker should be grateful any woman with a low enough self-esteem would be interested in him.
taylors: I have always wanted to lick a black girls ass. You look like you have a nice donk.
Scusi? Holy f**k nuts batman! Its been a while since I got one of these freaks. I do have a nice donk. One that he will never see. I think he must have googled the word "donk". I would never consider this but a part of me wants to tell him yes. I would eat at taco bell, curry goat and cheesecake. Then I would take a shard and not wipe myself and then I would tell him to get to work. Sorry, I disgust myself sometimes.
mango33:(message#1)There is a miracle called Friendship.I'm wishing at this time for miracle to hapend to for u to be my friend.I know now why Shakespeare could not compare his love to a summer’s day.
What the ras are you talking about? Like this turdbasket has ever read some mother f**ckin Shakespeare. Why is the word friendship capitalized?
mango33:(message #2)It would be a crime to denounce the beauty
of such a creature as u are be u men on pic
Creature? That title should be reserved for Sasquatch or the lochness monster— I am a lady. I read the highlighted part of this sentence over and over again, trying to decipher what language he speaks. It must be some peasant dialect that I am not familiar with.
ras77:dear my weekend was grt could have been better if i had a princes like u beside me,lol,how was urs hope pof is treating u well,i think im done with this site it so may white girls that will not let a brother meet a sweet sister like u
What happened to periods and capital letters and spelling you? So you blame white girls for not meeting a "sweet sister" like me? How about the fact that you can't spell princess, or the fact that you are wearing a t-shirt that looks like my night-shirt or the fact that you have a doo-rag on in your profile pic, or the fact that you say you want a "trained woman". This wanker should be grateful any woman with a low enough self-esteem would be interested in him.
taylors: I have always wanted to lick a black girls ass. You look like you have a nice donk.
Scusi? Holy f**k nuts batman! Its been a while since I got one of these freaks. I do have a nice donk. One that he will never see. I think he must have googled the word "donk". I would never consider this but a part of me wants to tell him yes. I would eat at taco bell, curry goat and cheesecake. Then I would take a shard and not wipe myself and then I would tell him to get to work. Sorry, I disgust myself sometimes.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Great, this is the guy who likes fat girls
biglover:First off i just want to say i have been tested and confirmed to be HOT certified =) secondly Greetings, im here to talk with mature older larger women.. im very attracted to women with open minds and ideas, I enjoy computers, cars, shopping, clothing, movies, sleeping of course.I am very attracted to larger women, and its ok if your not large yet we can get you there =)Feel free to send me a message, i am open to chat.
This turdbasket messaged me and I found him utterly repulsive but clicked on his profile anyway. He was a slender, gawky looking white dude. He had a pasty complexion and a nose that bore more semblance to a beak. I want to know how he obtained this "HOT" certification. Were these people clinically insane? I may be large but I am not mature! How many times can he profess his love of the rotund? I have a feeling that if he ran out of big girls he would kidnap skinny girls and bring them to his pig farm to be force fed until ripe, never to be heard from again.
This turdbasket messaged me and I found him utterly repulsive but clicked on his profile anyway. He was a slender, gawky looking white dude. He had a pasty complexion and a nose that bore more semblance to a beak. I want to know how he obtained this "HOT" certification. Were these people clinically insane? I may be large but I am not mature! How many times can he profess his love of the rotund? I have a feeling that if he ran out of big girls he would kidnap skinny girls and bring them to his pig farm to be force fed until ripe, never to be heard from again.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
FML
Sexcrazie: well well, someone that thinks the way I do!we need to talk. Hope your weekend was great, get back to me if your interested and after you take a peek at my profile. hope to hear back from you. Have a wonderful day. You sound really interesting, I'd love to explore your mind and your body!
I found it a little intriguing. We think the same way... we need to talk. He had no picture, so I suspected that he looks like Gollum. I was curious enough to check his profile and it was...
I'm a very open minded fun/passionate person, am always involved in many outlets of expression. I'm athletic, I love to play a game of anything anytime anywhere. There is nothing more I enjoy than to please a woman, to make her feel like woman. Massages, touch, tongue bath, you name it, very open minded, very experimental and looking for like-minded singles (attached or not), couples, non-white, exotic, women with mystique.
What I seek.....
* open minded women/couples, fringe lifestyle's, alternative women, tattoo'd women, Non-White women, older women (yummy)
* casual, no strings attached sexploration
* Looking to explore any fantasy
* Looking to act out a few fantasies
* looking for a friendship that can develop into FWB
* open and honest discreet friendships.
* looking to serve you, take care of your needs.
* Kink and other things could be sexplored.
****NEVER BEEN WITH A BLACK WOMAN, AND WOULD JUST LOVE TO DEVOUR ONE!
Unfortunately, when I read this I was in the midst of devouring a banana and nearly met my demise by choking on my phallic fruit. Why and how do these people find me? I put up the most virginal/demure pictures of myself that I could find, but they still find their way to me.
I have yet to experience a tongue bath. How does one get clean if ladened with the saliva of a dirty man? Open, honest and discreet friendship. Does that mean open and honest between lovers and discreet with your wife? Do I look like a putana? I think I may steal his terms "sexploration" and "sexplored". Too smart for words.
***YOU WILL NEVER BE WITH THIS BLACK WOMAN. GO FOR A WANK AND LEAVE ME ALONE!
I found it a little intriguing. We think the same way... we need to talk. He had no picture, so I suspected that he looks like Gollum. I was curious enough to check his profile and it was...
I'm a very open minded fun/passionate person, am always involved in many outlets of expression. I'm athletic, I love to play a game of anything anytime anywhere. There is nothing more I enjoy than to please a woman, to make her feel like woman. Massages, touch, tongue bath, you name it, very open minded, very experimental and looking for like-minded singles (attached or not), couples, non-white, exotic, women with mystique.
What I seek.....
* open minded women/couples, fringe lifestyle's, alternative women, tattoo'd women, Non-White women, older women (yummy)
* casual, no strings attached sexploration
* Looking to explore any fantasy
* Looking to act out a few fantasies
* looking for a friendship that can develop into FWB
* open and honest discreet friendships.
* looking to serve you, take care of your needs.
* Kink and other things could be sexplored.
****NEVER BEEN WITH A BLACK WOMAN, AND WOULD JUST LOVE TO DEVOUR ONE!
Unfortunately, when I read this I was in the midst of devouring a banana and nearly met my demise by choking on my phallic fruit. Why and how do these people find me? I put up the most virginal/demure pictures of myself that I could find, but they still find their way to me.
I have yet to experience a tongue bath. How does one get clean if ladened with the saliva of a dirty man? Open, honest and discreet friendship. Does that mean open and honest between lovers and discreet with your wife? Do I look like a putana? I think I may steal his terms "sexploration" and "sexplored". Too smart for words.
***YOU WILL NEVER BE WITH THIS BLACK WOMAN. GO FOR A WANK AND LEAVE ME ALONE!
Friday, August 13, 2010
Copy and paste
Willis77:Well what can I say, Love, love, love .... We think about it, Sing about it, Dream about it && Loose sleep worrying about it. When we don't know we have it, we search for it. When we discover it, we don't know what to do with it. When we have it, we fear loosing it. It is the constant source of pleasure and pain. But we don't know which it will be from one moment to the next. It is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define && IMPOSSIBLE to live without, here I am looking for it and asking whether you can help me to find it .....
I thought it sounded a little contrived, so I googled it and found it on a few 'love quotes' websites. Are you f@$king kidding me? Is it me or is this the height of fromage-niss?
I thought it sounded a little contrived, so I googled it and found it on a few 'love quotes' websites. Are you f@$king kidding me? Is it me or is this the height of fromage-niss?
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Lull
I have not forsaken you. Things have been a little slow. I have been trolling for dates and no one is biting. I gave five guys my phone number (including one who picked me up on the street and was not that attractive) all in the name of getting these 30 dates done. Can you believe none of them have called me? Maybe it's because I have stopped playing my flute every morning or perhaps my mating calls have fallen of deaf ears.
A friend of mine got on my ass about my blog (they always seem to do that). She told me its been lacking lately. I wouldn't disagree. Sometimes I'm just not that prolific. She wondered where the POF messages were of late. To be honest, they have been pretty tame—normal even. But then...I checked this morning and there were gifts from the heavens! A myriad of treats in my inbox.
Dunno:people who know you never tell you they love you you relly lucky for a guy to tell you that
What happened to punctuation? You're right, people in my life never tell me they love me because I am a surly bitch. What is relly? A guy would be really lucky to tell me that (once he gets past the teflon protective coating that encases my heart).
Yardley:wen i saw ur pic i couldn't take my eyes off u. u seem like a nice girl to get to know n be around with. i will love to get to know u more. cell? facebook
Understandable. Sometimes, I can't take my eyes off me either( I KID). I'm not a nice girl (once upon a time I was). Maybe people think because they're online, they don't need to spell properly or use a full word. "UR" drives me mad more than any other, because I know if he were to spell it out, he would put your instead of you're. Not going over this again people. Don't send me a message like you're writing a text!!!!!!!!!!!
Bobg: hello your very pretty would like to get to no u if that ok
NO!NO!NO! It's not ok! F@$K! For the last time YOUR precedes possession. ie) I'm going to smash your face in the next time you send me a message like this. You're = you are. ie) You're a turdbasket.
Devon77: I love you.
How I have longed for a man to say that to me. I was hoping that he wouldn't look like Micheal Clarke Duncan in the Green Mile (he actually had on overalls in his profile pic) and live in bumfuck Alberta(sorry).
A friend of mine got on my ass about my blog (they always seem to do that). She told me its been lacking lately. I wouldn't disagree. Sometimes I'm just not that prolific. She wondered where the POF messages were of late. To be honest, they have been pretty tame—normal even. But then...I checked this morning and there were gifts from the heavens! A myriad of treats in my inbox.
Dunno:people who know you never tell you they love you you relly lucky for a guy to tell you that
What happened to punctuation? You're right, people in my life never tell me they love me because I am a surly bitch. What is relly? A guy would be really lucky to tell me that (once he gets past the teflon protective coating that encases my heart).
Yardley:wen i saw ur pic i couldn't take my eyes off u. u seem like a nice girl to get to know n be around with. i will love to get to know u more. cell? facebook
Understandable. Sometimes, I can't take my eyes off me either( I KID). I'm not a nice girl (once upon a time I was). Maybe people think because they're online, they don't need to spell properly or use a full word. "UR" drives me mad more than any other, because I know if he were to spell it out, he would put your instead of you're. Not going over this again people. Don't send me a message like you're writing a text!!!!!!!!!!!
Bobg: hello your very pretty would like to get to no u if that ok
NO!NO!NO! It's not ok! F@$K! For the last time YOUR precedes possession. ie) I'm going to smash your face in the next time you send me a message like this. You're = you are. ie) You're a turdbasket.
Devon77: I love you.
How I have longed for a man to say that to me. I was hoping that he wouldn't look like Micheal Clarke Duncan in the Green Mile (he actually had on overalls in his profile pic) and live in bumfuck Alberta(sorry).
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Bless up
decman:wussup hun how u doing i dont usually be on this site but i have more pics on fb...but i am independant , no kids..holla at me...lol
if u have msn or bbm u can leave it with
me..ok take care n bless up!!
Dear lord almighty! You don't usually "be on this site". Perhaps you should "be" in an adult remedial english class and leave me the f**k alone. I am sure you've noticed I have not posted one of these in a while. I think I am just becoming numb to the idiocy that I am inundated with everyday or perhaps I am making an attempt to be nicer to the opposite sex. Not bloody likely!
if u have msn or bbm u can leave it with
me..ok take care n bless up!!
Dear lord almighty! You don't usually "be on this site". Perhaps you should "be" in an adult remedial english class and leave me the f**k alone. I am sure you've noticed I have not posted one of these in a while. I think I am just becoming numb to the idiocy that I am inundated with everyday or perhaps I am making an attempt to be nicer to the opposite sex. Not bloody likely!
Saturday, April 17, 2010
POF+PMS=NOT GOOD
Subjectline: I heard that black women...
Ottboy:Love having their feet massaged after a long and hectic day?
Did I hear correctly? :)
Holy mother of Mary, Santa Maria, mother f**ckin' sheep shit! Really? Why do I get these freaks? I just want to go on some dates, with some normal f**kin' people! Is that too much to ask? Some of you may think there is nothing wrong with his message-that's fine. As soon as I saw the subject line, I wondered what heap of flaming shit is going to be in my inbox today. He starts off with preconceived notions about black women. What woman doesn't like to get a foot massage at the end of a long day? If he was good looking, I would ignore his absurdity and use him as a human toe-nail clipper. Now piss off!
Ottboy:Love having their feet massaged after a long and hectic day?
Did I hear correctly? :)
Holy mother of Mary, Santa Maria, mother f**ckin' sheep shit! Really? Why do I get these freaks? I just want to go on some dates, with some normal f**kin' people! Is that too much to ask? Some of you may think there is nothing wrong with his message-that's fine. As soon as I saw the subject line, I wondered what heap of flaming shit is going to be in my inbox today. He starts off with preconceived notions about black women. What woman doesn't like to get a foot massage at the end of a long day? If he was good looking, I would ignore his absurdity and use him as a human toe-nail clipper. Now piss off!
Friday, April 16, 2010
POF questionnaire
So... I cancelled my date yesterday. I'm sorry. I didn't feel like going. I had to cut my toenails and work on other things. I just wasn't feeling it. So here's something to tide you over. This is a first. I have never been sent a questionnaire. So many questions, without question marks. I am tempted to send my snarky answers to him, but I will be nice and just share them with you.Yes, I am having one of my cyclical mood swings.
Hello Rhodesia what's up how are you I have read your profile and I think you are vary interesting and I would like to know more about you only if it's okay with well I hope to hear from you soon okay bell
1.what are your Hopes and aspirations
To marry an old, rich man who is about to die and estranged from his family or tying a man to a radiator and leaving him there for two hours.
2.what are your Hobbies/interests in general
Making greeting cards with fake pubic hair, farting in public, looking virginal, eating smoked salmon, eating melted chocolate and smearing it on my face.
3.what is your favorite Music
Asford&Simpson and Hall&Oates
4.what are your Dreams
They usually involve someone smearing chocolate and pork fat on me.
5.do you have any siblings
One that I know of.
6.what is your favorite Romance novel
The one where your mother gets a pearl necklace. F**k off. Do I look like I read romance novels?
7.were do you like to Travel
"were" do I like to travel? To a land "where" people can write a proper sentence.
8.what is your favorite Vacation place?
Narnia
9.what is your favorite Movies
What is my favourite movies? For fuck sakes.
10.what is your favorite Restaurant
Any restaurant that serves pork.
11.what is your favorite t.v shows
Glee, True Blood.
12.what is your favorite foods
Curry& Roti, anything with smoked salmon, roasted pork, saganaki...too many things.
13.what is your favorite ice cream
Pistachio gelato.
14.what is your favorite color
Right now...forest green
15.what is your favorite thing to do on a first date
Tie a guy to a radiator and leave him there for two hours, while I get a sandwich and then splash him with ice water. I KID!
16.do you like sports
About as much as I like getting a pap smear..so no I don't like sports.
17.do you like cats
NO.
18.what do you like on guys
What does this question even mean? What are you refering to?
19.what do you look for in a guy
I'm going to be serious here. Someone with a kind heart, great sense of humour(and gets mine), likes to travel, smart, generous(and I don't mean financially, but that would be nice), open-minded but structured,wants children(but doesn't have any), someone who like to massage cankles and doesn't mind jiggly bits.
20.do you have tattoos
No.
21.what is your favorite animal
Kinkajou
22.what are your real eye colour
Obsidian.
23.what is your background
Guyanese.
24.do you like to cuddle
If I could secretly make little cuts on your body and then squirt lemon juice and salt into them, then yes I would like to cuddle. I KID!
25.would you like to talk on msn or would you like to text
No gracias.
Hello Rhodesia what's up how are you I have read your profile and I think you are vary interesting and I would like to know more about you only if it's okay with well I hope to hear from you soon okay bell
1.what are your Hopes and aspirations
To marry an old, rich man who is about to die and estranged from his family or tying a man to a radiator and leaving him there for two hours.
2.what are your Hobbies/interests in general
Making greeting cards with fake pubic hair, farting in public, looking virginal, eating smoked salmon, eating melted chocolate and smearing it on my face.
3.what is your favorite Music
Asford&Simpson and Hall&Oates
4.what are your Dreams
They usually involve someone smearing chocolate and pork fat on me.
5.do you have any siblings
One that I know of.
6.what is your favorite Romance novel
The one where your mother gets a pearl necklace. F**k off. Do I look like I read romance novels?
7.were do you like to Travel
"were" do I like to travel? To a land "where" people can write a proper sentence.
8.what is your favorite Vacation place?
Narnia
9.what is your favorite Movies
What is my favourite movies? For fuck sakes.
10.what is your favorite Restaurant
Any restaurant that serves pork.
11.what is your favorite t.v shows
Glee, True Blood.
12.what is your favorite foods
Curry& Roti, anything with smoked salmon, roasted pork, saganaki...too many things.
13.what is your favorite ice cream
Pistachio gelato.
14.what is your favorite color
Right now...forest green
15.what is your favorite thing to do on a first date
Tie a guy to a radiator and leave him there for two hours, while I get a sandwich and then splash him with ice water. I KID!
16.do you like sports
About as much as I like getting a pap smear..so no I don't like sports.
17.do you like cats
NO.
18.what do you like on guys
What does this question even mean? What are you refering to?
19.what do you look for in a guy
I'm going to be serious here. Someone with a kind heart, great sense of humour(and gets mine), likes to travel, smart, generous(and I don't mean financially, but that would be nice), open-minded but structured,wants children(but doesn't have any), someone who like to massage cankles and doesn't mind jiggly bits.
20.do you have tattoos
No.
21.what is your favorite animal
Kinkajou
22.what are your real eye colour
Obsidian.
23.what is your background
Guyanese.
24.do you like to cuddle
If I could secretly make little cuts on your body and then squirt lemon juice and salt into them, then yes I would like to cuddle. I KID!
25.would you like to talk on msn or would you like to text
No gracias.
Friday, April 9, 2010
POF
I don't know what is wrong with me. I am not having one of my cyclical mood swings but I am a bit off. I think it's because there were some things that needed to be done and I procrastinated and now I have to wait. So I apologize for the venomous posts that have/may come...
partytimez:I would love to kiss your neck and lay 1000 kisses all over you. I am very attracted to you physically, just wondering if you can stimulate my mind.Its time you get a bubble bath prepared for you, lol! with vanilla scented candles all over and have your favorite blended drink made by my hands.In the morning you should have breadfast in bed baby, can you handle me? Are you ready for love?
Am new here from St. Lucia lets talk babesz.
Interesting...and where pray tell would those 1000 kisses be allocated? Would they be dispersed or focused on the nether region? I have a sneaking suspicion that it wouldn't take much to stimulate his mind. Bubble bath?? All you have to do is put some fuckin' bubbles and run the water. What is so special about that? Also, I don't take bubble baths because I feel like I am stewing in a brine of my own filth. I don't like vanilla scented candles. I don't do blended drinks, that's for putanas. I just drink vodka(I KID). I think "made by his hands" means: A) he's going to jerk off into my drink and tell me there is a special ingredient he put in just for me. B) he's going to put a roofie in my drink.
He assumes that if any of this were to go down(which it wouldn't) that he would still be there in the morning. Can I handle him? Am I ready for love? No and no.
partytimez:I would love to kiss your neck and lay 1000 kisses all over you. I am very attracted to you physically, just wondering if you can stimulate my mind.Its time you get a bubble bath prepared for you, lol! with vanilla scented candles all over and have your favorite blended drink made by my hands.In the morning you should have breadfast in bed baby, can you handle me? Are you ready for love?
Am new here from St. Lucia lets talk babesz.
Interesting...and where pray tell would those 1000 kisses be allocated? Would they be dispersed or focused on the nether region? I have a sneaking suspicion that it wouldn't take much to stimulate his mind. Bubble bath?? All you have to do is put some fuckin' bubbles and run the water. What is so special about that? Also, I don't take bubble baths because I feel like I am stewing in a brine of my own filth. I don't like vanilla scented candles. I don't do blended drinks, that's for putanas. I just drink vodka(I KID). I think "made by his hands" means: A) he's going to jerk off into my drink and tell me there is a special ingredient he put in just for me. B) he's going to put a roofie in my drink.
He assumes that if any of this were to go down(which it wouldn't) that he would still be there in the morning. Can I handle him? Am I ready for love? No and no.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
POF
You may think I am making these up. I assure you, I am not. These are the kind of men that message me. It's indicative of the kind of men that approach me in real life. Why do the attractive ones keep their distance? It comes in waves, these messages. At certain times there is a lull and then all of a sudden there is a school of wanton fish swimming in my inbox. People, I am totally willing to be set up on date because if I must rely on plenty of fish to find 28 more dates, I am up shit's creek.
revton:i talk to u today at the dollar store,just write me
Impossible. I was not in the dollar store today and if I was I wouldn't waste my time engaging in mind-numbing conversation with a peasant like you. I KID!
Hindi79:Hello there,
Would u like to have an oral submissive guy over tonight and give u an erotic massage followed by oral sex?
27 M here...wants NOTHING in return....just wanna please my taste buds....totally sane here...d/d free...discreet..Hope to hear from u.
WOULD I? WOULD I? Maybe one day when all hope is gone(that day may come very soon) and I can put a paper bag over his head (with holes in appropriate places) I would consider it. I mean, isn't this what guys go to rub-n-tugs for? An erotic massage and an oral release? And I am getting offered this for free? I would be an idiot to turn it down...Not that desperate yet! People don't do anything without wanting something in return. You cannot be sane if you are messaging a girl you don't know, offering to perform cunnilingus. Where do these dudes come from? Seriously.
revton:i talk to u today at the dollar store,just write me
Impossible. I was not in the dollar store today and if I was I wouldn't waste my time engaging in mind-numbing conversation with a peasant like you. I KID!
Hindi79:Hello there,
Would u like to have an oral submissive guy over tonight and give u an erotic massage followed by oral sex?
27 M here...wants NOTHING in return....just wanna please my taste buds....totally sane here...d/d free...discreet..Hope to hear from u.
WOULD I? WOULD I? Maybe one day when all hope is gone(that day may come very soon) and I can put a paper bag over his head (with holes in appropriate places) I would consider it. I mean, isn't this what guys go to rub-n-tugs for? An erotic massage and an oral release? And I am getting offered this for free? I would be an idiot to turn it down...Not that desperate yet! People don't do anything without wanting something in return. You cannot be sane if you are messaging a girl you don't know, offering to perform cunnilingus. Where do these dudes come from? Seriously.
Monday, March 22, 2010
POF
More Plenty of Fish messages. If this is the pool of guys I have to choose from to go on 30 dates with, I am in trouble.
Rocknroll:There are two things that give away the type of person you are...would you like to know what they are?
Oh my good gracious! Please tell me! I really need an anonymous man from plenty of fish to validate me as a person. Arrogant fuck. This is the kind of man that would order wine, a main and dessert for you without letting you get a word in edgewise. He would talk about himself,his accomplishments and conquests all night. I still messaged him to find out what those two things are. I have a feeling it may make me laugh or start a verbal war.
killerfish: Can I ask you a question?
me: What?
killerfish:would u let a guy to kiss ur high heels?
me:WHAT? WHAT? Lick my heels maybe.
killerfish:would u give me a chance?
So tempting... A chance to emasculate a man, a dream of mine since childhood. I want to get a pair of clear lucite putana heels, go stomping around in a pig sty and then make this dumb fuck lick my heel.
dudert: What is your opinion on white boys?
I like them skinny, minimal body hair, good looking in the face, quick-witted yet subservient. I KID! I like all kinds of boys, as long as they fit that description.
Rocknroll:There are two things that give away the type of person you are...would you like to know what they are?
Oh my good gracious! Please tell me! I really need an anonymous man from plenty of fish to validate me as a person. Arrogant fuck. This is the kind of man that would order wine, a main and dessert for you without letting you get a word in edgewise. He would talk about himself,his accomplishments and conquests all night. I still messaged him to find out what those two things are. I have a feeling it may make me laugh or start a verbal war.
killerfish: Can I ask you a question?
me: What?
killerfish:would u let a guy to kiss ur high heels?
me:WHAT? WHAT? Lick my heels maybe.
killerfish:would u give me a chance?
So tempting... A chance to emasculate a man, a dream of mine since childhood. I want to get a pair of clear lucite putana heels, go stomping around in a pig sty and then make this dumb fuck lick my heel.
dudert: What is your opinion on white boys?
I like them skinny, minimal body hair, good looking in the face, quick-witted yet subservient. I KID! I like all kinds of boys, as long as they fit that description.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Dates
At the suggestion of one of my readers, I am seriously considering going out with one of the plenty of fish users. I am not really enthused about any of them, but in the interest of stepping out of my very small box, I shall consider it. On the short list:
-5'8 Irish ginger(never even considered going out with a ginger before-he slightly resembles a leprechaun. I wonder if we'll see a rainbow or he'll play the flute and little fairies will dance around me.)
-Dapper young brown guy(looks a little conservative, I think I may scare him)
-The guy who asked me if I was tubby(I messaged him back and told him I was a porker, he wants to go for a drink, and maybe try some of my back bacon)
Not sure yet. Need to mull it over.
-5'8 Irish ginger(never even considered going out with a ginger before-he slightly resembles a leprechaun. I wonder if we'll see a rainbow or he'll play the flute and little fairies will dance around me.)
-Dapper young brown guy(looks a little conservative, I think I may scare him)
-The guy who asked me if I was tubby(I messaged him back and told him I was a porker, he wants to go for a drink, and maybe try some of my back bacon)
Not sure yet. Need to mull it over.
Friday, February 19, 2010
POF
What you all love and have been waiting for... plenty of fish messages. They have been rather boring lately. I think I may change my profile, shake it up a bit. A reader suggested that I actually go out with one of these turdbombs and write about it. I will try but I need to find someone who isn't utterly repulsive, can write a proper sentence or doesn't look like a serial killer.
Timmy2( the subject line was Cute Face): Are you tubby?
Oh no! He knows. He sees past my exquisitely beautiful face. The sham is over. He knows that a girl with a hot body would display it prominently. I'm tired of hiding, I'm coming out as a fatty on POF....maybe tomorrow.
Dizzy2: I have never been with a black girl. Do you want to be my first?
I have never taken a big heaping shit on someone's face. Do you want to be my first? Jackass.
apoot:hi there,how you doing beautiful?how was your valentine's day?
Cold and bitter, just the way I like it. How is your S-curl and early ninties R&B poly blend suit?
Sundu78:I may not know anything about you, but there's one thing that i know and i am sure of is that
you are sexy. Lady believe me from what i am seeing in you i must say you are what every person in the world is searching for. I am douche what is the sweet ladys name.Do you made giving me the sexy
ladys contact so that i will call or txt to tell you how sweet you are.
I am not sweet. I am bitter, tart and acidic. I don't even have the energy to dissect this message. I wonder, does this kind of shite work on some girls? Wow.
Timmy2( the subject line was Cute Face): Are you tubby?
Oh no! He knows. He sees past my exquisitely beautiful face. The sham is over. He knows that a girl with a hot body would display it prominently. I'm tired of hiding, I'm coming out as a fatty on POF....maybe tomorrow.
Dizzy2: I have never been with a black girl. Do you want to be my first?
I have never taken a big heaping shit on someone's face. Do you want to be my first? Jackass.
apoot:hi there,how you doing beautiful?how was your valentine's day?
Cold and bitter, just the way I like it. How is your S-curl and early ninties R&B poly blend suit?
Sundu78:I may not know anything about you, but there's one thing that i know and i am sure of is that
you are sexy. Lady believe me from what i am seeing in you i must say you are what every person in the world is searching for. I am douche what is the sweet ladys name.Do you made giving me the sexy
ladys contact so that i will call or txt to tell you how sweet you are.
I am not sweet. I am bitter, tart and acidic. I don't even have the energy to dissect this message. I wonder, does this kind of shite work on some girls? Wow.
Monday, February 1, 2010
A first
Another example of the light and grace that POF brings into my life. I consider myself an open minded person. I try not be judgemental of others life-style choices... This is where I draw the line.
VINNY: hi was up ive not have a hot black lady love to have you you into it
I was a little confused, not only by the rudimentary English skills but also because his dreadful profile picture had an equally unattractive woman with him. I clicked on the profile, not out of interest but sheer curiousity. I nearly hurled when I read this :
im 31 she 26 looking 4 fun a lady or a couple im 5ft5 she 5ft3 both looking 4 a 3some or 4some her BOOBs are 38dd like to no more like to talk get back to me and herblack lady love to have you you into it
This is not how I imagined my first offer for a threesome would come to me. I envisioned an attractive, intelligent couple with sculpted bodies and fit minds wanting to spice up their love life with a little Chocolate Thunder. I did not envision people who look like school bus drivers and their main dietary staples are Kraft dinner and Maple Lodge deli meat.
VINNY: hi was up ive not have a hot black lady love to have you you into it
I was a little confused, not only by the rudimentary English skills but also because his dreadful profile picture had an equally unattractive woman with him. I clicked on the profile, not out of interest but sheer curiousity. I nearly hurled when I read this :
im 31 she 26 looking 4 fun a lady or a couple im 5ft5 she 5ft3 both looking 4 a 3some or 4some her BOOBs are 38dd like to no more like to talk get back to me and herblack lady love to have you you into it
This is not how I imagined my first offer for a threesome would come to me. I envisioned an attractive, intelligent couple with sculpted bodies and fit minds wanting to spice up their love life with a little Chocolate Thunder. I did not envision people who look like school bus drivers and their main dietary staples are Kraft dinner and Maple Lodge deli meat.
Friday, January 29, 2010
I thought I had it bad
These gems are from my friend Sahara's POF account. She is no longer taking her account seriously either. Entertainment and material for this blog are unfortunatley the only reasons we are maintaining the accounts. "Sahara" is a stunning girl and I thought she would perhaps have a better pool of men to chose from. WRONG! A new day has dawned- One where douches reign supreme, common sense, chivalry and decency are morte. ' Tis a sad day...
Sexy_x: ur fkin sexy
I think the end of civilization is near when a man trying to mate with a nubile young woman cannot take the time to spell out an expletive.
KEVSTER: Sup??.....
Hmmmm....Truly puzzled. This is beyond laziness. Are you fed through a feeding tube because you can't be bothered to chew? Do you take a shard in a bed pan because you cannot be bothered to get up while watching a game? Do you use a motorized scooter when you are perfectly capable of walking? NO. Then why the f$@k would you message an attractive young woman and say "sup"? This means you were entirely too busy to write 'what's up?' Which still means you have nothing of substance to say. Sup...I'll tell you sup....
Energ: Sup purtty lady?
Really? Perhaps he is related to Cletus the slaw jawed yokel.
Look4youngluv: Are you opent to exploring a relationship with a married man.
"Sahara" is not a whore. She is a woman of virtue and would never get involved with a married man. If she chose to, she would certainly pick a man who could spell. There was no picture attached. I am guessing he is in his mid-forties to early fifties, slightly pudgy, watches porn every chance he gets, hasn't slept with his wife in 3 years, has hair growing out of every orifice and his children hate him. Men like this should stick to Ashley Madison and relieve themselves at rub-n-tugs and leave the rest of us alone.
Yiayou: How are you? Do black girls like Greek guys?
Malaka. That depends. Do I get tzatziki on the side? How hairy are you? Do I have to listen to Greek music? Will I get to eat saganaki everyday? Will your yaya think I am a Turk and try and stab me in the eye?
Andersin: I"D LUV TO PUT SOMETHING ON YOUR FACE ALRITE
WHOA! WHOA! My initial reaction was to laugh (only because it didn't happen to me) then the severity of the message settled in.What a misogynist douche! Why would anyone think this was appropiate to send to a woman? Men like this, are the reason I carry pepper spray, pocket knife and a sharpened pencil with me when I travel.
Sexy_x: ur fkin sexy
I think the end of civilization is near when a man trying to mate with a nubile young woman cannot take the time to spell out an expletive.
KEVSTER: Sup??.....
Hmmmm....Truly puzzled. This is beyond laziness. Are you fed through a feeding tube because you can't be bothered to chew? Do you take a shard in a bed pan because you cannot be bothered to get up while watching a game? Do you use a motorized scooter when you are perfectly capable of walking? NO. Then why the f$@k would you message an attractive young woman and say "sup"? This means you were entirely too busy to write 'what's up?' Which still means you have nothing of substance to say. Sup...I'll tell you sup....
Energ: Sup purtty lady?
Really? Perhaps he is related to Cletus the slaw jawed yokel.
Look4youngluv: Are you opent to exploring a relationship with a married man.
"Sahara" is not a whore. She is a woman of virtue and would never get involved with a married man. If she chose to, she would certainly pick a man who could spell. There was no picture attached. I am guessing he is in his mid-forties to early fifties, slightly pudgy, watches porn every chance he gets, hasn't slept with his wife in 3 years, has hair growing out of every orifice and his children hate him. Men like this should stick to Ashley Madison and relieve themselves at rub-n-tugs and leave the rest of us alone.
Yiayou: How are you? Do black girls like Greek guys?
Malaka. That depends. Do I get tzatziki on the side? How hairy are you? Do I have to listen to Greek music? Will I get to eat saganaki everyday? Will your yaya think I am a Turk and try and stab me in the eye?
Andersin: I"D LUV TO PUT SOMETHING ON YOUR FACE ALRITE
WHOA! WHOA! My initial reaction was to laugh (only because it didn't happen to me) then the severity of the message settled in.What a misogynist douche! Why would anyone think this was appropiate to send to a woman? Men like this, are the reason I carry pepper spray, pocket knife and a sharpened pencil with me when I travel.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Douche-baggery
For your enjoyment, I have enclosed some new POF messages. I am almost certain I don't want to keep this account-I am not taking it seriously at all. I check it less often and when I do, it's like lifting the toilet seat only to find someone left their big turd floating in the bowl.
What I am really looking for is someone to sing Bobby Brown's "Tenderoni" to me, while staring into my eyes longingly, rubbing oil on my cankle with one hand and feeding me a pork sandwich with the other.
Pablito23:Just looking for a "fun friend" would you be interested in that type of friend. I will be fun for the both of us.
I am starting to question if I look like a putana. Would I be interested in a "fun friend"?? So you're asking me if I would be interested in sleeping with a 5'6 Vatos locos looking MOTHER F$@CKER, with a member that is probably the size of a Vienna sausage. No gracias.
yours77:sundays are my favorit day of the week
and it would be nice to spend it with someone
as beautiful as you
Sunday was my favorit day of the week until you went and shat on it. He looks like the kind of guy who's perfect Sunday would include playing PS3 all day while I iron his shirts,make him a sandwich and have sex with him while still playing PS3. Not in this life douche!
mandem:Hey Sweetie , How does abrotha like me , try to get to know you better
By not creating words like "abrotha" and not having a Zoot suit as an integral part of your wardrobe.
zani:Hi,Great pic, u hot.Dinner?
Ch33rs,
This message was written by a 42 year old caucasian man. I feel like this message was written by tarzan "Jane me hungry". Either English isn't his first language or he didn't find it necessary to take the time to scribe the few extra words it would have taken to make reading this message tolerable. Would dinner involve him killing a possum with a rock or his bare hands?
busyness:i like your say in profile..you certainly sound very smart and you look very beautiful.
let me introduce myself please
my name is DOUCHE. I live and work in downtown Toronto.
Currently i am buidling my own business in canada.
I am looking for smrat and good people to work with me and explore the opportunites my business can offer.If you are looking for business opportunity, please let me know. we maybe business partensr soon
You're either running some kind of pyramid scheme or you want to be my pimp. Not interested.
What I am really looking for is someone to sing Bobby Brown's "Tenderoni" to me, while staring into my eyes longingly, rubbing oil on my cankle with one hand and feeding me a pork sandwich with the other.
Pablito23:Just looking for a "fun friend" would you be interested in that type of friend. I will be fun for the both of us.
I am starting to question if I look like a putana. Would I be interested in a "fun friend"?? So you're asking me if I would be interested in sleeping with a 5'6 Vatos locos looking MOTHER F$@CKER, with a member that is probably the size of a Vienna sausage. No gracias.
yours77:sundays are my favorit day of the week
and it would be nice to spend it with someone
as beautiful as you
Sunday was my favorit day of the week until you went and shat on it. He looks like the kind of guy who's perfect Sunday would include playing PS3 all day while I iron his shirts,make him a sandwich and have sex with him while still playing PS3. Not in this life douche!
mandem:Hey Sweetie , How does abrotha like me , try to get to know you better
By not creating words like "abrotha" and not having a Zoot suit as an integral part of your wardrobe.
zani:Hi,Great pic, u hot.Dinner?
Ch33rs,
This message was written by a 42 year old caucasian man. I feel like this message was written by tarzan "Jane me hungry". Either English isn't his first language or he didn't find it necessary to take the time to scribe the few extra words it would have taken to make reading this message tolerable. Would dinner involve him killing a possum with a rock or his bare hands?
busyness:i like your say in profile..you certainly sound very smart and you look very beautiful.
let me introduce myself please
my name is DOUCHE. I live and work in downtown Toronto.
Currently i am buidling my own business in canada.
I am looking for smrat and good people to work with me and explore the opportunites my business can offer.If you are looking for business opportunity, please let me know. we maybe business partensr soon
You're either running some kind of pyramid scheme or you want to be my pimp. Not interested.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
PMS + POF = NOT GOOD
Feeling supremely bitch-tackulous today(PMS). Not in the mood to post the other half of my list. Instead I will share another dollop of the douchiness that is Plenty of fish. I didn't check it for many days because I just don't have the patience. You know... it's like when you're all excited to get a gift from a friend but you know this person usually gives the most asinine gifts. So you brace yourself, but somewhere inside of you there is a glimmer of hope. You think 'this time it will be different'. It won't be.You slowly open your gift, and quelle surprise....... it's a basket of excrement. A big ol' heaping pile of shite! Not even shite dressed up in a tuxedo or trying to disguise itself as something else....just shite...
If you are wondering if I have been out with any of these turdbombs, the answer is no. There have been plenty of guys that seem nice and somewhat normal, but I have no interest in. You know the deal, their screen names have been changed but my bitter, snarky retorts are the same.
wize1:i am totally feelin your vibe
you seem like a real womans woman strong, no-nonesense, confident, classy but very seductively sexy i can tell from your pose in your pic ...i can also be wrong but i don't think so .. do tell.Drinks you like im guessing apple martini suits the image !!
Right, right,right and right.....apple martini??? You had me until apple martini. That tells me you think that I am a putana with an acrylic french manicure, gloss that looks like someone jizzed on my mouth and a tramp stamp on my back. Beat it.
God123:Hi,I just moved here from the US and it is so hard
to meet some one. Would it be OK if I ask you
some thing? are you really looking for a good
man? because I'm really looking for a good
woman. She must know who God is. If she does
not know him, I can not know her.
Boy is he ever barking up the wrong tree.... For those who don't know me I am a atheist, humanist, infidel. I have a feeling if we were to go on a date he would try and throw holy water on me( I once had someone rub something on my wrists and tell me it was perfume, it was holy water and it did burn my skin a little) . So ... NO, you cannot know me.
marke3:You are the first black woman I have seen on here that is good looking,the
best on the site, so far....thank you for that. What is your background??
self-hating negro......that is all I am going to say about that........So much more I could say... but I won't.
D3e323:Soooo I just thought I would ask..."hypothetically speaking of course"...what the odds would be...you know "hypothetically speaking of course"...of a guy like me and a girl like you going out for a latte sometime...this is strickly "hypothetically speaking of course"...LOL ;-)
"hypothetically speaking" the answer would be ......wait for it......wait for it....NO. Get some balls. What the f#@k is with all these LOL's.
yeti34:i am 34 years old and i have been in toronto 9 monthes , i am form iran and i lived in gemnay 10 years i am looking for nice girls for relationship. sorry a bout my english .
I feel a little bad for mocking this one..... that was fleeting. I will totally excuse the English. There are many people who have English as a first language and have the same writing skills. Many of them have messaged me. He seems nice, but he looked a little like Chewbaca.
If you are wondering if I have been out with any of these turdbombs, the answer is no. There have been plenty of guys that seem nice and somewhat normal, but I have no interest in. You know the deal, their screen names have been changed but my bitter, snarky retorts are the same.
wize1:i am totally feelin your vibe
you seem like a real womans woman strong, no-nonesense, confident, classy but very seductively sexy i can tell from your pose in your pic ...i can also be wrong but i don't think so .. do tell.Drinks you like im guessing apple martini suits the image !!
Right, right,right and right.....apple martini??? You had me until apple martini. That tells me you think that I am a putana with an acrylic french manicure, gloss that looks like someone jizzed on my mouth and a tramp stamp on my back. Beat it.
God123:Hi,I just moved here from the US and it is so hard
to meet some one. Would it be OK if I ask you
some thing? are you really looking for a good
man? because I'm really looking for a good
woman. She must know who God is. If she does
not know him, I can not know her.
Boy is he ever barking up the wrong tree.... For those who don't know me I am a atheist, humanist, infidel. I have a feeling if we were to go on a date he would try and throw holy water on me( I once had someone rub something on my wrists and tell me it was perfume, it was holy water and it did burn my skin a little) . So ... NO, you cannot know me.
marke3:You are the first black woman I have seen on here that is good looking,the
best on the site, so far....thank you for that. What is your background??
self-hating negro......that is all I am going to say about that........So much more I could say... but I won't.
D3e323:Soooo I just thought I would ask..."hypothetically speaking of course"...what the odds would be...you know "hypothetically speaking of course"...of a guy like me and a girl like you going out for a latte sometime...this is strickly "hypothetically speaking of course"...LOL ;-)
"hypothetically speaking" the answer would be ......wait for it......wait for it....NO. Get some balls. What the f#@k is with all these LOL's.
yeti34:i am 34 years old and i have been in toronto 9 monthes , i am form iran and i lived in gemnay 10 years i am looking for nice girls for relationship. sorry a bout my english .
I feel a little bad for mocking this one..... that was fleeting. I will totally excuse the English. There are many people who have English as a first language and have the same writing skills. Many of them have messaged me. He seems nice, but he looked a little like Chewbaca.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Full disclosure
Should I disclose that I'm a fatty on a dating website? Under body type I selected "prefer not to say". My profile picture is only of my face and I think many of these fools get stunned by it's inherent beauty ( I KID) and envision someone more svelte. I am by no means being self-deprecating, just realistic; I am actually quite vain but I feel like I am not projecting the truth.
I checked out the profile of guy who messaged me and under drug use he put "socially" . Does that mean that you do an 8 ball of coke with your douchey friends every weekend? Or you smoke weed everyday? Either way, he wasn't good looking enough for me to care... But if he was honest enough to disclose that he does drugs, shouldn't I be brave enough to admit my rotundness? The problem is there isn't a description that I find fitting. I want something like this " Rubenesque mahogany hued Nubian goddess". What do you think? Should I disclose?
I checked out the profile of guy who messaged me and under drug use he put "socially" . Does that mean that you do an 8 ball of coke with your douchey friends every weekend? Or you smoke weed everyday? Either way, he wasn't good looking enough for me to care... But if he was honest enough to disclose that he does drugs, shouldn't I be brave enough to admit my rotundness? The problem is there isn't a description that I find fitting. I want something like this " Rubenesque mahogany hued Nubian goddess". What do you think? Should I disclose?
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