My dear friend Stephanie has been living in Milano for the past couple of years. I have been thoroughly entertained by her dating stories( and there are many). She keeps telling me I need to visit and my 30 dates will be done in two weeks(I don't doubt this fact and I'm working on it). She joined an online dating site a few months ago she goes on dates like 3-4times a week. She owes me 5 Italian online dating messages or dating stories. Here is the first:
So, normally I wouldn't - I shouldn't write this.
But the situation comes new to me, commanding an exception, with good
feelings that can be anticipated. (Shouldn't have strayed from the norm)
I'm again looking at your images.
Your eyes, deep, dark yet totally alive.
Intense, expressive, fiery and sweet, challenging and rewarding,
enveloping their beholder in the contemplation of your soul.
(That's some deep shit right there. Perhaps, if I had a soul I would be touched by this fromage)
Your face. Sweet lines curving gentle and strong,
shaped to be warm and alive, by the hand of an artist in love,
invincible attraction for more caressing hands,
and for lips wishing to touch, and kiss,
gently and manly at the same time.(WHAT in the WHO WHAT?)
Your lips. Great, sculptured, voluptuous, stupendous.
Mixing the deepest sweetness and the wildest passion,
made for lovers' whispers, and for fire-hot kisses,
symbol of your being angel and demon in one.
(This dude is obessed with your lips Stephania. I am sure as he was writing this he was masturbating and envisioning himself jizzing all over your "stupendous" lips. My lips have never been described as "stupendous". Maybe I should wear more lip gloss. I have never had "fire-hot kisses. I think I have not lived.)
Your words, as seen so far.
The dashing young woman, aggressive at the world's absurdities.
The courageous soul, able to make its stand in such a far away,
complicated place.
Stephanie,
I hope I'll meet you.
Even though I am mocking this man for his fromage-niss, I must admit I haven't received anything close to this on POF or from any Canadian guy. EVER. All I get is "Sup" or " I want to be your oral submissive" or "Can I jizz in your eye?" I am not a massive fan of too much fromage, but you can tell he took a lot of time to scribe this message. He puts forth a massive amount of effort for a girl he has yet to meet. That's it! I need some Euro loving. Who is buying my ticket?
Good lord.. I have to dig up the first message he sent me... I met him once and he was nice, not my type and wore a fanny pack.. Can I add the fact that I was having thee worst period pains of my life combined with the fact that Milano was hot as if it was 100km from the sun and while trying to keep myself together I turned to buddy and said " Dude I want to take my uterus out and throw it like a grenade".. I know, romantic.. Kind and a poet however I wasn't into him at all...
ReplyDeleteROTFLMAO @ Stephanies comment "Dude I want to take my uterus out and throw it like a grenade"
ReplyDeleteI'm in stitches laughing here!!!