Date#24

Codename:Prince of Persia

Occupation:Transportation business

Nationality:Canadian(Iranian descent)

Age:36

This date happened since last week. There is no fire left in me. Someone asked me the other day if I take these dates seriously. The answer is no. I don't think I'm going to find the love of my life this way. I view this soley as an experiment. Anywhoo, here it is:

We met for a drink(banning me from coffee shop dates doesn't mean I can't make them quick). I was there ahead of time. He walked in sporting some tight jeans and when he took off this jacket, he was wearing a Jamaican zip-up hoodie. From that point(in my mind anyway), it was over. Perhaps he thought I was Jamaican. I am not. We settled in. He wasn't bad looking, good height, nice features, but he had a mild version of this. He went on to say that he loves Jamaica and how he had been on several occasions. I told him I'm not Jamaican. His disapointment was palpable. He asked me if I like dancehall. I told him no. He joked "what kind of West Indian are you?" The kind that pulls out a cutlass and chops your kebab off.

I had one drink and said I had to meet a friend who was in distress. He told me I seemed a little cold. I told him I wasn't feeling well. What I wanted to say was "I'm not feeling you". He paid the bill and we parted ways. This one lasted just under an hour.

Blog

A friend put me onto this blog about a couple travelling the world for six months. Check it out!
http://www.minandtom.com/

Why I love travel

Someone asked me that question the other day. I don't have a simple answer. I find it difficult to verbalise.

 I went on about how some of the most memorable and euphoric moments in my life, have happened whilst travelling. I told her of my very first (and only so far) safari, in the Kruger national park. We spent almost 12 hours on a blazing hot date, trolling the park(well 1/4th of it because it's the size Wales). The day was almost fruitless. We only managed to see three of "The Big 5" . The sun was setting as we headed towards the gate. I tried to suppress the tinge of disappointment that was rising in me because I was beyond grateful for the experience. Up to that point we had seen elephants, rhinos, buffalos, giraffes, impalas, wildebeests, springboks, water bucks, duikers, bushbucks, civets and a martial eagle. As we took a leisurely drive to the gate, there they were, waiting for me: Two male lions sleeping on the road. I shrieked so loudly, I think I woke them up. That moment made the enitre day worth it. I was now satisfied. As we continued to the exit, the elusive spotted leopard(along with her cub) appeared. Our guide informed us that out of the 40 plus times he's been to the park, he'd only seen them twice before). We drove on and spotted some baboons and two rare birds. The floodgates had opened.

For me, travel has a redemptive quality to it. There have been moments of extreme frustration, sadness or fear and then you turn the corner only to meet someone amazing or see something that blows your mind. Travel opens your eyes, your mind, your heart and your palate.

I've been to 29 countries and India will be my 30th(just before my 30th birthday!) but I still feel like there is much of the world I have yet to lay my eyes on. I am beyond excited for this trip and I can't wait to share the journey with you.

Woefully behind

One thing you must have learned about me by now is that I am a notorious procrastinator. I know I am woefully behind on the tasks I have assigned myself. I am thrilled to tell you that February will be an exciting month! The last month of my youth. I'll be frank, some things on the list will not happen by my 30th birthday, but shortly after. I'll be late, but for me the timing is just right. People have asked me what I'll do with the blog once I turn thirty and the lights have dimmed on my youth. I'll keep writing when the mood strikes me I guess.

Date#23

Codename:Handkerchief

Nationality:Chinese-Canadian
Occupation:Defence contractor
Age:28

You may remember Handkerchief from dates #14 and #15. I hadn't heard from him in a while. He contacted me again and I decided to try him out, one more time.

I tried to cancel on him because my eyes were hurting and I was tired. He was extremely busy for the rest of the week. I sucked it up and met him for dinner at a Japanese restaurant of his choosing. I arrived before him and got seated at a booth. When he arrived, we hugged and he proceeded to sit beside me in the booth(which means I had to crane my neck to look at his bloodclawt mug).

We got reacquainted and I realized I had absolutely no interest in him. He would touch my hands and try to give me puppy dog eyes. He said he felt like he didn't know me. That I'm hard to read. I told him he seemed conservative and I that I didn't think he could handle my sense of humour. He said that I should ask him questions to get to know him better. I feel like I did that on the first and second date. Is this a dating show? If you want me to know something, tell me. Discourse should flow organically. It didn't. He said I seemed  uncomfortable with PDA. If I have no interest in you, yes..yes I am.

We were there for about 90mins. At the end, I think he could tell I wanted to skedaddle. The bill came, I did the reach. I gave him money for half of the bill(minus tip) hoping he would say"no, I've got it". I'm on a tight budget and if I knew I would be paying my own way I wouldn't have had a glass of wine(which he encouraged me to have) and he ordered two appetizers. He said" Ok, I'll cover the tip as well". Mother f@*ker ! You had two glasses of wine! Please don't think I'm a gold-digger but I'm penny-pinching these days.

He helped me with my coat and tried to open the doors, but I opened them myself. He escorted me to my car and I think he was hoping for a kiss. He had a cut on his chin from shaving and his lips looked a bit dehydrated. Not a chance in hell. I haven't kissed any of these dates. Not-a-one. He looked at me with sad eyes as I went in for a hug. I think we both knew this was our last date.

Ela

My dear friend Ela has always been an inspiration to me; She's gorgeous, well dressed, articulate and focused. So focused, she's created her very own handbag line. The line is true to her aesthetic of "humble luxury". Clean lines, classic silhouettes with a modern twist. She's launched an amazing capsule collection. Here's a sneak peak:

The collection can be found at the Narwhal and Rac boutique. Follow her on twitter @elahandbags and follow me(I gave in and joined again) @intrepid30! Ciao!

Date#22

Codename:Frown
Age:34
Occupation:Civil servant
Nationality:Canadian(Portuguese/English descent)


We met a cafe. He arrived first. I recognized him immediately. He looked like his picture— dark hair, medium-olive tone. Not ugly, but not a panty soaker by any means. He smiled, I walked over. We sat at booth in the corner. I ordered a latte(at 7pm which was an asinine idea because I don't drink a lot of coffee and I was unable to sleep that night) and sweet potato fries. He ordered espresso and quiche. He seemed nervous. He said he hadn't been on a date in a while(he recently ended a 5 year relationship). He spoke for maybe twenty minutes about what went wrong in his previous relationship. I feigned listening intently...instead this was playing in my head. I wondered if I farted quietly, I would remain undetected. I decided against it and suffered in silence for the rest of the date.

He continued to speak of his life and how he suffered with depression and how he conquered it. He talked about his dog, his love of hockey and it goes on and on. It wasn't until more than half-way through the date he asked me about my interests. By then, I had forgotten who I was, my chin hairs had turned gray and I had gone through menopause. I lied and told him I had two cats named Pussy Galore and Whiskers. He asked what kind of cats. I told him I don't like to talk about them(because I don't own any bloodclawt cats and have no clue about breeds. I should have thought that lie out more thoroughly).

It was as dry and the Sahara after that. Once someone monopolizes the conversation, I lose all interest. It lasted about 1hr and10mins. Only 8 more to go!!!!!!!

Take me to the zoo...

Only a few weeks and I will be rid of this experiment, these wretched dates and the nauseating experience of on-line dating. I will never look back...I've got a date from last week to write about. It's getting harder and harder to write about them. It's like I can't find the humour in it anymore—only my suffering. If you haven't guessed, I am having a cyclical mood swing again. Brace yourselves.

hornyfire: wow ur a real cutie i was wondering if i can invite u for a drink or to the zoo....cause i realy would like to meet such a cuteness like u r.
 I just want to inform you that his screen name really did include horny. I only tweaked it slightly to protect his anonymity. I can't  fathom why you would want to take a date to the zoo? Perhaps he thinks the raw, carnal nature of it all would make a woman want to mount him. Not this woman. Not in this mother fuckin lifetime. This was on his profile:

Profile:You know Confidence attract women. As long as you believe what you're saying, you can pretty much say anything that isn't about yourself and they'll eat it up. Women are like some jungle predators: if they smell fear, they'll destroy you, but if you counter, they'll back down. When you go up to talk to women, you're cornered, but your goal is to back them down. i try to be confident, n i lke to be there for my girl everytime and try to be playful when necessary.
 I seriously think he's into beastiality. What's with all the animal references? A part of me wants to tie him up, throw raw meat at him and whip him until he performs tricks. I don't think he grasps that women and not men will be reading his profile. What woman in her right mind would be interested after reading that shite?



zilliionaire:YO!
Yo what you freakin twat? When reading these messages, I sometimes envision myself relaxing my anal sphincter and taking a big heaping s!@$ on them. After all, that's what I feel like when I open my inbox most days—like someone took a big heaping crap on my face. I only want to pay it forward. Here is what his profile said:
Profile:Am kool headed and easy going likes all kinds of music interest include out door activities ski some times during winter and goes watching live games .Outside of all these i takes time to better mai self and expand on mai own business and build aa better network.
I have no words to express my sorrow; It lies in the absence of punctuation, in the total and unabashed degradation of the English language,  and in the possibility that this man may spread his seed and repopulate the earth.