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Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Dr.Joshi's holistic detox

is the name. A few people have inquired about the cleanse I am on. It's not as horrible as I anticipated. I have fully adjusted now. The first few days were hell. When I read the book all I saw was the list of  NO's. It seemed extensive; No alcohol, red meat, fruits(except bananas), no balsamic,soy or teriyaki, no wheat, no dairy(buffalo mozzarella and natural yogurt is allowed ), no cucumbers...I could go on and on.

I kept whining about all the indulgent, bad things I wanted to eat until Stephanie(the fascist) put the smack down. She told me to say no for once in my life. She has been on my nut-sack like no other. I posted on my facebook status that I wanted cookies. Shortly after, there was a voicemail telling me to put down the Mrs.Fields and that she would bitch slap them out of my hand all the way from Italy. Sometimes people need to be rough with me.

Here is an example of what I may eat during a day(Monday actually)

Breakfast: Smoothie with banana,almond milk, kefir yogurt, flax and a little agave

Snack(if needed):celery(barf) or carrots

Lunch: grilled veggies with roasted chicken breast

Dinner:brown rice with broccoli, cauliflower and salmon cakes.

The fascist made me realize that I must be creative. I must change it up and stop focusing on what I cannot eat. If I can manage that, success is inevitable. The fact that I am already seeing progress makes me want to work harder. A couple people have been telling me I look different.  For more info check out  Dr.Joshi's websiteor get the book.

Monday, August 30, 2010

One week

of my detox is complete. I have lost 4lbs. The cravings have subsided. I promised to be honest...I cheated on day 2 and had a piece of rye bread with cheddar cheese. Otherwise, I have been a good girl. A friend told me that my eyes looked brighter and my face more virginal than usual. The cleanse is working!!!!

Sunday, August 29, 2010


NATIONALITY:West African(former French resident)
OCCUPATION: Civil servant

Another coffee shop date. Again, this was my doing. I am in the midst of a cleanse and can't indulge in a lot of things. I figure if I go to a restaurant and start asking them for gluten-free, steamed, sauceless things I would look even more crazy than I already do.

The moment I saw him I knew there was no chance in hell. The shirt he wore was a bit reflective. He had a thick accent and was deeply Christian. I am an Atheist. I do not hide this fact. We got into a whole discussion about what happened in my life to make me a an Atheist. I  asked him what happened in his life to make him a sheep and blindly follow the assertions of others. That didn't go over to well. I don't mean to insult those of you who believe in God—just don't degrade my beliefs(or lack thereof) because you can't fathom that someone wouldn't/ couldn't believe that Jesus Christ, Mohammed, Jehovah, etc, isn't the path to salvation.

It lasted half and hour. I told him I had to go. We shook hands and he said to me " I hope you find Jesus."
There were so many things that were on the tip of my tongue...I didn't unleash the beast. Maybe Jesus was on his side.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Cleanse-Day 4

I'm hungry.
I want food.
Tasty food.
Yummy food that makes me lick my plate.
I smell of celery.
I'm sick of tea.
And gluten-free shit
And lentils
And beans

People espouse the virtues of detoxing the body;
Mental clarity, supremely virginal skin
I just want some MOTHER FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!

Maybe archery class will help me release some of my pent up anger. Sorry people, when Mama's hungry, she ain't nice!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

TransAtlantic dating post— Zie list

Stephanie(the fascist that is making me do the cleanse) has had her fair share of troubles in the on-line dating scene in Milano. She felt it necessary to post a list of do's and don'ts. I have a feeling the idiots will still come.

I have left this space clear for some time now and feel the need to fill it. There are too many men that think they can conduct themselves in a manner that is below par. I don't want trash contacting me.. I am respectful and expect the same. So here are some rules to check yourself on... Rules for contacting me and things to know:
1) Don't be rude/ racist or ignorant. I don't have time for men with no education or class.
2) Don't expect that I give you every detail of me in chat and when I don't, you get angry and act like a spoiled child and run to your mother crying..
3) If you live at home with your parents, don't bother contacting me(unless you are taking care of them) .. I'm looking for a man not a boy.
4) Know that I'm not going to be your mother
5) If you act in a manner unacceptable, I'll block you.
6) You have to have travelled outside of Italia and have knowledge of culture and/or be willing to learn.
7) Don't assume every black person comes from Africa.. Can we pick up a map and study please?
8) Don't promise what you can't deliver, who likes a Quaquaraqua? "Means a all talk no action person" Don't ask me to go for a drink in St. Tropez...
9) I don't want to be called a Princess or Queen. I wash my own dishes and clean my own floors..
10) If you cannot handle an independent woman.
11) If you are married.. I cannot express anymore how horrible you are to be searching up meetic for women to screw. Don't contact me!
12) Read my profile-- I don't want a smoker as my man--While you are killing yourself you wanna kill me too? Save me the death..
13) No Playboys or Mammone. "Mammone-- Mamma's boy"
14) If you live far, understand that I ain't taking a train for 7 hours to come and see you.. Be realistic..
15) I am not nor do I look like Beyonce, Naomi, Michelle Obama or that chick from the A Bronx Tale.. I look like me..
16) No I'm not going to make caffe latte coloured babies with you, so don't ask.. *All examples of the garbage that I have had to read and listen to...

Monday, August 23, 2010


So my dear friend Stephanie encouraged (persecuted) me do to a cleanse. Its 21 days, but she feels the need to push it to thirty. We are doing it together even though she lives in Italy(which wont stop her my busting my freakin' balls). There is no pork (blasphemy!), no alcohol (good thing I fit it all in this weekend) and no to a whole slew of other things, but yes to a new cleaner life. Wow that was cheesy!

There is no room for cheating, since I will have her and many others on my case. I spent most of the day curled up in a ball due to cyclical issues. My meals for the day consisted of two cheese sandwiches and a tub of Haagen-Dazs pralines& cream ice cream. I figured I may as well fit in all the junk I can before my penance begins. Way too much dairy. Lets just say I fumigated this room and it smells like possum died inside of me.

My cleanse starts now.

Sunday, August 22, 2010


Sexcrazie: well well, someone that thinks the way I do!we need to talk. Hope your weekend was great, get back to me if your interested and after you take a peek at my profile. hope to hear back from you. Have a wonderful day. You sound really interesting, I'd love to explore your mind and your body!

I found it a little intriguing. We think the same way... we need to talk. He had no picture, so I suspected that he looks like Gollum. I was curious enough to check his profile and it was...

I'm a very open minded fun/passionate person, am always involved in many outlets of expression. I'm athletic, I love to play a game of anything anytime anywhere. There is nothing more I enjoy than to please a woman, to make her feel like woman. Massages, touch, tongue bath, you name it, very open minded, very experimental and looking for like-minded singles (attached or not), couples, non-white, exotic, women with mystique.

What I seek.....
* open minded women/couples, fringe lifestyle's, alternative women, tattoo'd women, Non-White women, older women (yummy)
* casual, no strings attached sexploration
* Looking to explore any fantasy
* Looking to act out a few fantasies
* looking for a friendship that can develop into FWB
* open and honest discreet friendships.
* looking to serve you, take care of your needs.
* Kink and other things could be sexplored.


Unfortunately, when I read this I was in the midst of devouring a banana and nearly met my demise by choking on my phallic fruit. Why and how do these people find me? I put up the most virginal/demure pictures of myself that I could find, but they still find their way to me.

I have yet to experience a tongue bath. How does one get clean if ladened with the saliva of a dirty man? Open, honest and discreet friendship. Does that mean open and honest between lovers and discreet with your wife? Do I look like a putana? I think I may steal his terms "sexploration" and  "sexplored". Too smart for words.


Thursday, August 19, 2010


Codename: Logorrhea
Nationality: Canadian(caucasian)
Occupation:Jack of many trades

He messaged me quite some time ago(there was some correspondance). I cut it off when he made a comment " My friends and I were thinking about starting a blog about our on-line dating experiences". I grew suspicious and thought I had been found out. I ceased contact and went more covert ops; Changed my screen name and put up a blurred picture.

After several months, Logorrhea messaged me again. Not my type, but I am trying to be open. He had free tickets to a hip-hop show and said I could bring a friend. I was elated that I would finally have some company on these wretched dates.

I went with my friend "Zahara". We arrived at the venue and surveyed the crowd and decided we needed a drink. We chatted while trying to see if I spotted my victim. After twenty minutes, I spotted and approached. He was with a few friends. We introduced ourselves, they dispersed. Just he, I and Zahara remained. We chatted for a while. Mostly about him—his product launching soon, possible reality show,etc,etc,etc. Which was fine. I found it somewhat interesting.

We moved outside to the patio area and continued our chat. He asked me about what I am up to. Regretfully, I mentioned my cards. I told him the name...if he googles it, this blog will come up. I told him about a circumstance where I possibly could have gone to Nigeria a couple years ago. Here is how that coversation went:

L:would you really want to go there
Me:Yeah, ofcourse.
L: Isn't it war torn
Me: No.
L:Don't they kill people with machetes and stuff there. I don't really travel outside North America. I think everywhere else, people will kill me with machetes.

Perhaps I should put well travelled on my POF profile as a requirement. I could see Zahara's face as he said these things. Priceless. We discussed my background. He actually knew where Guyana was(that was suprising). We discussed my friends heritage (Eritrea). He hadn't heard of it, which is fine. I did not judge him for that. We explained that it was similar to Ethiopian culture and food to which he said " Oh yeah you guys eat that big pancake thing and then rip little pieces of and use it to pick all the spicy food". Yeah, pancake. That's it.

His friends returned and we all sat on the patio chatting. We talked about where we lived. Logorrhea asked " Do you know a girl by the name Blah Blah. She lives on the corner of Putana and Wanker, she's black". Nooooooo. I don't know her... Somehow his friends were talking about bangles (perhaps they saw the two gold ones I wear). His friend asked " you know when Indian women wear all those bangles. Are they for religious purposes?". Am I the fuckin oracle for coloured people?

 My friend Zahara was wearing something sleeveless. I knew she was cold and used that to plot our escape. I said we were going inside to warm up(disappear). We stayed inside, danced and chatted. Now, it was a great date, just me and Zahara. We remained unseen for most of the night until closer to the end. He spotted us and we chatted again. He wanted to make sure we were having a good time. I thanked him for the tickets. He said  he googled me and that I was hard to find, but he found a sale that I did with my friend last year. He also said that he saw my Facebook profile pic and described it...Scusi? Ummmm. We all do a little cyber stalking. It's when you tell your victim in question about your stalking, it gets a little unsettling.

In all honesty, he seemed like a nice enough guy, but nowhere near what I am looking for. I need someone who isn't afraid to travel outside of North America, or whose sexuality I don't find ambiguous. Zahara found this thoroughly entertaining and said she wants to come on all my dates.

Sorry white dudes, you're on hiatus for a while. Someone asked me if  I don't date black men. I do. Four of the now six men I gave my phone number to were black. I am still waiting for a call.

Monday, August 16, 2010


I've got one lined up for tomorrow evening. Seems somewhat promising. I want to fit three in this week. Just have to find the victims...Any takers?

Friday, August 13, 2010

New era

Things have shifted in my personal life. Things I care not to discuss on this blog. Now, everything is illuminated. I see things in a new light. Unexpected change can bring growth. Namaste.

Copy and paste

Willis77:Well what can I say, Love, love, love .... We think about it, Sing about it, Dream about it && Loose sleep worrying about it. When we don't know we have it, we search for it. When we discover it, we don't know what to do with it. When we have it, we fear loosing it. It is the constant source of pleasure and pain. But we don't know which it will be from one moment to the next. It is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define && IMPOSSIBLE to live without, here I am looking for it and asking whether you can help me to find it .....

I thought it sounded a little contrived, so I googled it and found it on a few 'love quotes' websites. Are you f@$king kidding me? Is it me or is this the height of fromage-niss?

Thursday, August 12, 2010


I have not forsaken you. Things have been a little slow. I have been trolling for dates and no one is biting. I gave five guys my  phone number (including one who picked me up on the street and was not that attractive) all in the name of getting these 30 dates done. Can you believe none of them have called me? Maybe it's because I have stopped playing my flute every morning or perhaps my mating calls have fallen of deaf ears.

A friend of mine got on my ass about my blog (they always seem to do that). She told me its been lacking lately. I wouldn't disagree. Sometimes I'm just not that prolific. She wondered where the POF messages were of late. To be honest, they have been pretty tame—normal even. But then...I checked this morning and there were gifts from the heavens! A myriad of treats in my inbox.

Dunno:people who know you never tell you they love you you relly lucky for a guy to tell you that

What happened to punctuation? You're right, people in my life never tell me they love me because I am a surly bitch. What is relly? A guy would be really lucky to tell me that (once he gets past the teflon protective coating that encases my heart).

Yardley:wen i saw ur pic i couldn't take my eyes off u. u seem like a nice girl to get to know n be around with. i will love to get to know u more. cell? facebook

Understandable. Sometimes, I can't take my eyes off me either( I KID). I'm not a nice girl (once upon a time I was). Maybe people think because they're online, they don't need to spell properly or use a full word. "UR" drives me mad more than any other, because I know if he were to spell it out, he would put your instead of you're. Not going over this again people. Don't send me a message like you're writing a text!!!!!!!!!!!

Bobg: hello your very pretty would like to get to no u if that ok

NO!NO!NO! It's not ok! F@$K! For the last time YOUR precedes possession. ie) I'm going to smash your face in the next time you send me a message like this. You're = you are. ie) You're a turdbasket.

Devon77: I love you.

How I have longed for a man to say that to me. I was hoping that he wouldn't look like Micheal Clarke Duncan in the Green Mile (he actually had on overalls in his profile pic) and live in bumfuck Alberta(sorry).

Saturday, August 7, 2010


Codename:Average Joe

It was other coffee shop date. Before you roll your eyes and tell me that I need to take ownership and tell them where I want to go—it was my idea. I had archery class and didn't want to miss it for what I knew would be a dismal date. I suggested it only because I knew it would be swift and I could go on my merry way.

He had a non-descript personality and looks. He was about 5'8, brown hair, green eyes, average build. He said that he liked "exotic" women. Really? I looked at him and envisioned myself picking up my bow, knocking my arrow and then releasing in between his third eye. He said that he usually dates Asian girls but wanted to switch it up...How lucky for me. It lasted 30mins and then I told him I had to go to archery class and he laughed (which is a common reaction when I tell people). I don't think he'll be calling. Oh well.

I am trying not to lose faith. Its only been 7 dates. Only 23 more to go.

Sunday, August 1, 2010



 I just got home from a very long day of palancing!!! I rose at 6am to do my make-up before all the girls came over for me to do theirs. I thoroughly enjoyed the experience, from getting ready with the girls to gyrating down the road. Initially I had some trepidation about walking around half-naked, but once you're surrounded by other scantly clad folks, it ain't so bad! This is the only picture you're going to get.