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Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Another asinine conversation with my brother

ME: National Geographic has a program about the Amazon. Look up "the English monkey" also known as the Uakari. Also look up the Harpy eagle.

BRO: Ahhh! The backyard of my formative years.

We are originally from a country that borders Brazil and shares a minute portion of the Amazon, but we lived nowhere near it.

ME: Ummmmm...So you grew up in the Amazon basin? Where the fuck was I?

BRO: I don't want to get caught up in the adoption drama. Ask mom of your whereabouts.

ME: Oh, I will! So you lived off the land with the Amerindians? Do you even know how to start a fire?

BRO: I would rather not get into it. I could start a fire with my bare hands. My native name is "Redda fire".

ME: It's probably because your hands are dry and ashy. It's as if turds are flying out of your mouth.

BRO: My hands convey manliness, while at the same time, worthy of a dove.

ME: Words escape me... So, you were a fire starting hunter as a toddler? Perhaps we should go back to the Amazon basin and relive your formative years. There is another one at 10 if you're interested in watching.

BRO: I was a prodigy of sorts. I would love to retrace my formative years. What channel?

ME: It's quite easy to return to a vivid imagination. Channel 250.

BRO: Nice jaguar.

ME: Yes indeed. We are kindred spirits.

BRO: Yeah, OK.

ME: Actually I think I maybe closer to the sloth. Slow moving, they hide in the trees and come down once a week to defecate.

BRO: Really, once a week? You defecate 3 times daily. Are we really going to see sloths shagging?

ME: Ewwwwwwwww. That must take like 12 hrs.

BRO: It must. I have some fond memories of the Amazon delta.

ME: Wow. Do those include shooting poisonous  blow darts at howler monkeys and then eating their brains?

BRO: I never partook in the eating of monkey meat.

ME: Because you were never there!

BRO: Whatever.

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