My brother sends me a picture of a bird perched on his front lawn. My friend Zahara says we are not normal.
Me: What kind of bird is that?
Bro: A hawk, I think. I watched it catch prey(a smaller bird) and devour it
Me: Liar. You dressed up a f**kin loon. Def not a hawk
Bro: HAHA! If you saw the wingspan you would know. A loon has a beak like a hawk fooclawt
Me: That ain't no hawk. It looks too dainty
Bro: Then it was an eagle! Don't you dare call an eagle dainty!
Me: If that's an eagle, I'm the bloodclawt queen of England. I saw a raven the other day. Now that's a bird. Dark and ominous like me
Bro: A raven is nearly as common as a seagull. So by extension you are common
Me: Scusi? I don't think so"Quoth the raven, `Nevermore". Edgar Allen Poe wrote a beautiful poem about a raven. Its a rare beauty, like me. I am anything but common
Bro: I liken a raven to bad omens. So I guess it is rare in that sense
Me: Misunderstood like me. Someone must be the bearer of bad news. If I were a bird, I would be a raven and I would peck the shit out of doves and blue jays.
Bro: Bahahahaha. Wow, you sure are rare...rarely decent
Me: Touché. Maybe I'll be a raven for Halloween
Bro: I would like to see that
Me: What if I just wear a black cape and some feathers, hover over people and tell them they are going to die?
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Date#14
Codename:handkerchief
Nationality:Chinese-Canadian
Occupation:Defence contractorAge:28
Handkerchief was my very first Asian. Out of the many men that have messaged me over the past 6+ months, I would say less that 5% have been Asian. I have always(well not always) been open to dating men of all nationalities.
The goods:
We met at a Thai restaurant in the Annex(yeah dinner!) I was fifteen minutes late. I came rushing in and there he sat in plaid blazer, dress shirt and perfectly placed handkerchief peeking out of the breast pocket of his blazer. He's not my usual type but I thought he was cute(better than his picture). He was about 5'10, average build, short black hair and glasses. He stood as I approached. He helped me take off my coat and pulled out my chair(points!).
We perused the menu and decided to share a couple of dishes. He had a beer and I had a cold ginger beverage. We dined on green curry and tofu. We conversed about many different things. At times it was difficult to hear, as the restaurant was crowded and the adjacent tables were very close( I am sure they were listening to our conversation). I would say there was a good rapport. I broke protocol for the first time... I told him about the blog! I KNOW! I didn't give him the address, but I explained the premise. He seemed like a nice guy, so I thought I would be honest. I told him he was number 14. He said he felt used. He wanted to know to rules; If I could go on the remainder of the dates with him. I explained that I couldn't. He said that meant that I am unavailable until my little project is over. Pretty much.
The bill came. I asked him to pass my purse(the compulsory reach), he refused(YES! I got a meal and I didn't have to pay.) We decided to go for coffee. We got up to leave, he helped me put on my coat and opened the door. He was a true gentleman. We went for tea and a more quiet chat. I ordered a peppermint tea, he ordered hot chocolate. When the tea arrived and I saw that it was fresh peppermint tea I nearly jizzed in my pants(this is one of my favourite things). We stayed for about an hour and then he walked me to my car. We hugged and promised that we would do it again soon.
I had a good time. He's intelligent, he likes to travel, he knows how to salsa and how to treat a lady. I just don't know if I'm attracted to him. I do know that I would definitely go out with him again.
Nationality:Chinese-Canadian
Occupation:Defence contractorAge:28
Handkerchief was my very first Asian. Out of the many men that have messaged me over the past 6+ months, I would say less that 5% have been Asian. I have always(well not always) been open to dating men of all nationalities.
The goods:
We met at a Thai restaurant in the Annex(yeah dinner!) I was fifteen minutes late. I came rushing in and there he sat in plaid blazer, dress shirt and perfectly placed handkerchief peeking out of the breast pocket of his blazer. He's not my usual type but I thought he was cute(better than his picture). He was about 5'10, average build, short black hair and glasses. He stood as I approached. He helped me take off my coat and pulled out my chair(points!).
We perused the menu and decided to share a couple of dishes. He had a beer and I had a cold ginger beverage. We dined on green curry and tofu. We conversed about many different things. At times it was difficult to hear, as the restaurant was crowded and the adjacent tables were very close( I am sure they were listening to our conversation). I would say there was a good rapport. I broke protocol for the first time... I told him about the blog! I KNOW! I didn't give him the address, but I explained the premise. He seemed like a nice guy, so I thought I would be honest. I told him he was number 14. He said he felt used. He wanted to know to rules; If I could go on the remainder of the dates with him. I explained that I couldn't. He said that meant that I am unavailable until my little project is over. Pretty much.
The bill came. I asked him to pass my purse(the compulsory reach), he refused(YES! I got a meal and I didn't have to pay.) We decided to go for coffee. We got up to leave, he helped me put on my coat and opened the door. He was a true gentleman. We went for tea and a more quiet chat. I ordered a peppermint tea, he ordered hot chocolate. When the tea arrived and I saw that it was fresh peppermint tea I nearly jizzed in my pants(this is one of my favourite things). We stayed for about an hour and then he walked me to my car. We hugged and promised that we would do it again soon.
I had a good time. He's intelligent, he likes to travel, he knows how to salsa and how to treat a lady. I just don't know if I'm attracted to him. I do know that I would definitely go out with him again.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Ten Twenty-Eight
Today is a glorious day! The Sound of Music cast reunites on Oprah, I've got a date and its my nephew Boobers first birthday. Amazing!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Blow me
Someone finally found this post offensive enough to comment. I have no problem with people being critical. Just come correct, that's all.
Comment: hater . Ganguro is bad ass cuz they makin a serious statement about conforming to the "norm". Im rocking it for halloween. I actually seen those 2 girls out before and their hot & very sweet SO YOU CAN STOP slandering their name. & what is really wrong with wearing nude lip stick? Most women wear it. Do you have a mother?
My thoughts:
Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry if I offended your peasant sensibilites. This blog is a dictatorship. Its filled with my ramblings and diatribes about things I enjoy or loathe. One of the things I find unappealing, you seem to hold dear to your heart. I was merely expressing my opinion.
"Ganguro is bad ass cuz they makin a serious statement about conforming to the 'norm'. " Do you know what else is bad-ass? Possessing astute knowledge of the English language and the ability to express yourself in a clear manner—a skill you obviously lack. Did you mean to say that Ganguro are making a statement by not conforming to societal norms? If you find the Ganguro look so appealing, why wait until Halloween to rock it? Make it your everyday look.
I meant no slight against the two girls in the picture. I simply Googled pale lips and guidettes and their picture came up. Please look up the meaning of slander. In order for me to slander someones name, I must know it. I don't see anything wrong with nude lipstick—its jizz mouth I oppose(there is a vast difference). I was wondering how you came about your assertion that "most women wear it"? Did you carry out some sort of informal poll of fellow putanas in your area?
I do have a mother. I don't see the correlation between the rest of your rant and having a mother. Please clarify. Lastly, blow me and get the f**k off my blog. Good day!
Comment: hater . Ganguro is bad ass cuz they makin a serious statement about conforming to the "norm". Im rocking it for halloween. I actually seen those 2 girls out before and their hot & very sweet SO YOU CAN STOP slandering their name. & what is really wrong with wearing nude lip stick? Most women wear it. Do you have a mother?
My thoughts:
Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry if I offended your peasant sensibilites. This blog is a dictatorship. Its filled with my ramblings and diatribes about things I enjoy or loathe. One of the things I find unappealing, you seem to hold dear to your heart. I was merely expressing my opinion.
"Ganguro is bad ass cuz they makin a serious statement about conforming to the 'norm'. " Do you know what else is bad-ass? Possessing astute knowledge of the English language and the ability to express yourself in a clear manner—a skill you obviously lack. Did you mean to say that Ganguro are making a statement by not conforming to societal norms? If you find the Ganguro look so appealing, why wait until Halloween to rock it? Make it your everyday look.
I meant no slight against the two girls in the picture. I simply Googled pale lips and guidettes and their picture came up. Please look up the meaning of slander. In order for me to slander someones name, I must know it. I don't see anything wrong with nude lipstick—its jizz mouth I oppose(there is a vast difference). I was wondering how you came about your assertion that "most women wear it"? Did you carry out some sort of informal poll of fellow putanas in your area?
I do have a mother. I don't see the correlation between the rest of your rant and having a mother. Please clarify. Lastly, blow me and get the f**k off my blog. Good day!
Monday, October 25, 2010
I shall return to you in the night
Swine passed my lips this weekend. A friend and I dined at a restaurant I had been to before. I recalled that their pulled pork appetizer was orgasmic. She didn't want to order it and lead me into temptation. I insisted. When the sweet, shredded piglet arrived at the table, it was as if a light shone upon her and angels sang in blissful harmony. I spread her onto a crispy wanton chip and took in her awesome beauty for a moment. She entered my mouth— with no protest. My mandible clenched down upon her, molars masticated, taste buds rose, I swallowed. Bliss.
I must tell you that I drank absinthe before dinner. This could have impaired my judgement( I usually have poor judgement anyway). I also shared a bottle of wine with my friend during dinner...I also had a couple of drinks when I went out dancing, later that evening. I came home very inebriated. I don't drink often.When I do, I tend to make up for lost time. Since the cleanse, I have noticed that my usual inexhaustible tolerance level has diminished. I became ill and watched little piglet swirl away as I flushed her(and all of my stomach's contents) down the toilet. We were reunited for a brief moment, sweet morsel.
I must tell you that I drank absinthe before dinner. This could have impaired my judgement( I usually have poor judgement anyway). I also shared a bottle of wine with my friend during dinner...I also had a couple of drinks when I went out dancing, later that evening. I came home very inebriated. I don't drink often.When I do, I tend to make up for lost time. Since the cleanse, I have noticed that my usual inexhaustible tolerance level has diminished. I became ill and watched little piglet swirl away as I flushed her(and all of my stomach's contents) down the toilet. We were reunited for a brief moment, sweet morsel.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Trying not to get discouraged
With every date I go on, the light inside my teflon encased heart, dims just a little bit more. I ask myself questions like:Is it me? What am I doing wrong? Is my virginal beauty too much for them to handle? I know, it's lunacy to even ask those questions. I just simply have to believe that he's out there. I try not to judge these men, that I go on dates with. They are, after all on the same quest— to find a match. What if there is no match for me?
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