RAW AURA

Last night was my first foray into the raw food arena. I must admit I was very, very, very skeptical. My friend Helen (who is a very finnicky eater) convinced me that it was amazing. We went to RAW AURA  in Port Credit. I didn't see how vegan and raw could possibly be amazing- but it was! I must say, it was my most enjoyable vegan meal to date. Job well done Chef Doug ( first person I've met with tattoos of vegetables)!

I had a dream...

that I was sun tanning on a beach in Rio de Janeiro. I had a young cabana boy catering to my every whim. I would say "João, come over here and put some oil on mama"( in my dream I was a crepey old cougar). João would proceed to oil me down in pork fat, until the smell of bacon permeated through every pore. The fragrance made me ravenous-incapacitated from a hard days work of laying on the beach, I decided to eat my finger, which tasted like bacon. But something amazing happened- my finger regenerated instantly! So my body became a never ending pork roast. I went into all the favela's and fed the poor. I became known as "la porchetta" around the world. I ended world hunger...well amongst those who eat pork. Brilliant dream. Yes, I know I am bonkers. My two weeks of veganism is coming to a close very shortly. I look forward to the day when meat may past my lips.

A week in vegan hell

It has been just over a week with no meat or diary. I went to a vegan restaurant the other night. Whenever I visit one of these places, I leave feeling... hungry and a little upset at myself that I let someone drag me to one of these establishments (although this time it was my idea). I feel duped, swindled-like some gypsy kid offered me a rose and then blew sand in my eye and stole my wallet. They write tantalizing narratives that make you believe that this shite could actually taste good. IT'S ALL LIES!! I am someone who has a broad  palate and I am willing to try anything once (not just talking about food here). So it's not that I am being difficult- I just have a problem paying for a meal that resembles cardboard or styrofoam covered in some dairy-less sauce, that tastes like it has been brewing in a homeless mans boot for two weeks. I tried tempeh for the first time. It tastes like styrofoam covered in breadcrumbs and fecal matter. I think I'll stick to cooking at home until this dreadful experiment is over.

(Day 6)You people aren't human...

you vegans. I feel like I am a shell of a person-empty, devoid of the pleasures of life. A life with no croissants, sausages, cakes, steaks, honey, crepes, cheese, crepes filled with cheese. No wonder so many of you  look emaciated and dour (I KID). I truly admire the resolve and commitment that it takes to maintain a vegan lifestyle. I do feel better and my poops have been superb, but I am in no way willing to commit to this permanently. The strange dreams are dissipating and I no longer have thoughts about what those close to me would taste like( whether gamy or savoury). I am determined to make it to the two week mark. Wish me luck!

ZIE LIST

DAY 4

It has been 4 days without meat or dairy. Forgive my absence, for I am in the foulest of moods. I was fine until today. I told someone that their legs looked tasty. I had several strange dreams last night. In the first dream, I cracked open an egg to find a perfectly cooked medium rare steak. In the second dream I was in Greece. I was wearing a light blue virginal dress, skipping along the cobblestone streets, when I happened upon a souvlaki vendor named Yiorgos. He told me that he had the best souvlaki the world had to offer. I advised him that I was a vegan and could not indulge in his street meat. He coaxed and cajoled me into to trying it and I finally gave in. Upon eating it, all the other souvlakis broke out into song. They followed me, skipping and laughing along the way, telling me that they can't wait to be eaten by such a regal woman. I relished in their adoration. I found a seat at the edge of a cliff and was about to commence eating all the glorious souvlaki, when they formed a coup and threw me off the cliff into a pile of dung. Mutiny I say! Yes, I have lost my mind.