Date# 10/ The return of Edelweiss

CODENAME: Edelweiss
NATIONALITY:Austrian
(please insert Austrian accent when Edelweiss speaks)

You remember Edelweiss don't you? He was the most infamous and entertaining of my dates. We went out quite a while ago and neither one of us called or messaged afterwards. I thought he was interesting, but I had no intentions of pursuing anything. He called me a few weeks ago and we tried to get together before he jetted off to Europe. It wasn't possible, so he called me upon his return.

I picked him up and as he entered the car I took a big whiff of his cologne and said "hmmm, what are you wearing?" and he replied "clothes". We drove to a restaurant and I had to parallel park(anyone who knows me well can vouch for how horrendous my parallel parking skills are). He felt it necessary to make the comment "You know only like 20% of women can actually drive." I think I uttered some expletive at him and he said "well, judging by your parking skills I think I am correct." Before you get your panties in a twist, this is all said in jest. He has a dry sense of humour quite similar to mine, so I find it entertaining.

We discussed many things— his trip to Europe, my life, religion, healers, my cleanse and genocide. He is a very intelligent man. A lot of his knowledge wasn't attained through traditional channels. He ordered a pizza, I ordered a salad. He saw he me eyeing his pizza with prosciutto and other yummy stuff and he mocked me. He questioned what I could eat and said the following with a sly smile
"What about sausage? Can you have sausage?"
"NO."
"What about white meat?"

All I could do was laugh. He is just as vile as I am. He said many crazy things like " I was Jesus in a past life" or "we should open a brothel together." How can I resist someone who says more asisine things than I do?
I saw him eyeing my hair(the previous date I had a weave, which he eyed suspiciously as well). I had my hair slicked back and he proceeded to pat the top of my head and said" hmm,okay" and resumed our conversation. There was a bit of flirtation. He examined my pulse and told me it was lethargic and he examined my chi and said it was off (perhaps he can help me realign it).

The bill came and he payed without hesitation. While I was driving he said  "I think I want to kiss you" and I said " unless you want to die, that's not a good idea." Always swift with the retorts he said "well I thought you women were good at multi-tasking." We arrived at his residence and said goodnight and then he went in for a kiss on the...cheek! BOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! I totally thought he would go in for the kill. Perhaps I should have taken the reins. I don't think Edelweiss is the love of my life but I find him intriguing,vulgar, spiritual and smash worthy. I think I can learn quite a few things from the quirky Austrian...