I nearly took a shard in my pants while typing this list. I created it a couple weeks ago, before this whole blog shite started .....so I made some revisions. I did this because there a couple things that I do not want to share publicly. Not to worry, there are still very embarrassing things on this list but in the interest of not being the cowardly lion that I usually am, I will have to grin and bare it. If you make fun of me I WILL punch you in the face( residual anger from childhood bullying surfaces on occasion). The list isn't in order or chronological necessity or importance, just as long as I get 'er done! I am only sharing 15 things today. You'll have to come back tomorrow for the rest.
1.SMOKE A CIGAR.
Never had the desire until now
2.LEARN TO SWIM.
A lot of people from tropical countries don't know how to swim. I was too busy playing with my imaginary friends and killing lizards.
3.SCUBA OR SNORKEL
Once I master the swimming ofcourse.
4.DRINK ABSINTHE
I have wanted to tango with the green fairy for a while now. I want the real ish, not the stuff they sell in Canada.
5.TWO MEAT FREE WEEKS
Those who know me well, understand how difficult this task will be as I am an avid and voracious meat eater. I once went a week without meat and I started thinking about eating people. This will require an enormous amount of will power.
6.GET A COLONIC
Nothing beats a good old fashioned butt flush. It's not new to me but it's been a while. Maybe I'll get the colonic first and then 2 meat free weeks and my colon will be as clean as a whistle!
7.DECREASE MY CURRENT WEIGHT BY 37.9%
I am giving a percentage because there is no effin way I am telling you how much I weigh..... Maybe once I lose it. I have lost 3lbs so far!
8.DANCE and maybe sing IN THE RAIN
We all remember Gene Kelly and that famous scene in 'Singing in the rain'. I have always wanted to do it, but fear of looking crazy and the hair disaster that would ensue has stopped me. I had a secret fantasy running down a hill somewhere and singing The Sound of Music. That dream came true in the scenic hills of Swaziland a short while ago. It was very freeing.
We all know what a disaster that has been. I know you are thinking this bitch just put it on the list because she's already done it. It was there! I swear !
Again, this was on my list beforehand. I didn't know what to write about because it had been so long since I wrote anything. It all started with an e-mail to my friends detailing my on-line dating horrors and they found it so amusing they forwarded it over and over again. I was encouraged to start a blog by two special ladies. Gracias : )
11.FORGIVE AND SPEAK UP
I tend to be passive agressive. When I feel someone has wronged me, I don't say anything because I think I may be over reacting and I need to mull it over. I think about things like suffocating them in a dutch oven or cleaning my dung filled shoes with their toothbrush. I wait until I feel like I have been wronged so egregiously that I cannot look back and then I disappear like a ninja in the night. I am trying to change it and SPEAK UP when something bothers me.
12.TRY ARCHERY
I have always wanted to try it. I think I would look quite elegant doing it and it's more in line with my tastes. I don't fare well with sports that are more suited to people of peasant lineage (I KID). The only sport I was ever good at was shot put or anything that required brute force.
13.TAKE A FENCING CLASS
I think it's a very elegant sport. I am on a journey to become a lady. Also, there may be some rich dudes there.
14.VISIT ONE OF MY FRIENDS IN EUROPE
I have friends in Italy, France and Greece. I hope to visit atleast one of them in the next year. Maybe do an ambush visit and just show up.
15.FALL IN LOVE
I have never been in love. Ever. You may think it's probably because I am a cold, heartless shrew of a woman (you would be mostly right) but I have a great capacity to love. I just need to find someone willing to melt the icebox that is my heart. Maybe someone with a blow torch. You may be wondering what if I don't meet someone and fall in love?' Good question. Then I shall fall in love with an inanimate object, like a bridge and marry it. Although, it may be difficult to consummate....
Now beat it until tomorrow.
