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Tuesday, January 12, 2010

More on-line dating douche-baggery

You know the deal. There are a few things that will guarantee that I will not reply to a message on Plenty of fish (the fish should be replaced with douchebags). One of my grievances- improper grammar!!! By no means am I claiming to be a grammar tsar but basic knowledge of the English language would be nice. Here is a lesson: your precedes possession, ie: Oh, I didn't realize that is your face I'm sitting on. You're = you are. You're a douchebag. Do not write to me as if you're sending a text to one of your nondescript side-pieces. I am a lady and I speak the Queen's English.  Full sentences, proper punctuation, good diciton and no emoticons is de rigueur. Here are todays gems.

Porthole: yur sexy mama
Still trying to figure out if "yur" is Kurdish, Finnish or douchebag for your, which is still INCORRECT!!!  His face isn't bad, worthy of sitting on. From his shirtless picture, I can see that he works out or is a labourer of some kind. I just have a feeling that he may smell of cigarettes, kraft dinner, Canadian club whiskey and broken dreams. I'll pass.

Love35: hi i just want to say was up
Attached was a picture or two parrots kissing. A little barf-worthy, but sweet. Dear Mr. Rasta, your mesh Jamaica shirt and dreadlocks tell me that you are commited to your cause. I am a lover of pork and all pork products and cannot be swayed from my vile tendancies. I wish you luck but I also don't want to help you raise your 4 children.

Mubuntu: Care to tell me more about yourself?
NO.

Amigo: Good afternoon, let me introduce myself and not come off rude: I am Tony.You are quiet a fascinating woman, very intriguing. So what might your name be? whats your background? thats jus a few question to start off... I checked out his profile, it says he is a poet??????  Then write me a Mother F%$&ing poem bitch! 

.Ital: My chocolate dream.
If only I had that wooden club with metal spikes attached to it. Can somebody make me one?

Chris1929:  Wat up ma? LOL
What the f$@k is so funny? Again, I am not your mother!!! This is some Oedipus shit right here. You are 33 and I am pretty sure that your pic was taken in your mother's basement. Your "luv" for things that I have no interest in, your t-shirt dress, fake gold chain and pretending to be Puerto Rican from Brooklyn when you clearly are a brown guy from Brampton is sad.

Tuxedo80: You got msn?
Prison body and  tattoos, not my thing. But a face worthy on a sit-on is..... Until I read his profile and saw this "I'm very attracted to a woman that knows the rule of life, a woman that respects a mans position and role, that he plays or must play in a relationship." If you're looking for a subservient woman , you're barking up the wrong tree buddy. This is the kind of guy that you sleep with, don't tell any of your friends about  because you are too ashamed  to admit that you pounded such a vagrant, but he knows how to smash them cakes so you keep him around until you grow weary of his drama, so you cut him off and he starts stalking you, so you have to  get a restraining order, which puts him back in custody because he is on probation, so you are safe for a while. The answer is no, I don't have msn.