This was meant to be a blog solely about my new experience with on-line dating, but I think I may mix it up a bit, make it a tossed salad. Posts will include my struggle to lose my Rubenesque figure, my search for the perfect skinny Swedish boy, travel, bitterness, colonics, things I love (including Swedish boys), getting over my fears (the list is boundless), cynacism and much more. If you're looking for sunshine and lollipops, go somewhere else.
I joined POF a few days ago with a friend and the experience has been...harrowing, hilarious and perplexing. I couldn't resist sharing some of the messages I received with my friends. I attached my sardonic thoughts and the response was overwhelming. Whoever thought that my bitter and cynical ramblings would bring joy and laughther to someone's day. Enjoy.
P.S: I did not actually send these! I am a bitch but I value my life. I have changed their screen names to protect their anonimity.
DAY 1
Eddie798 : Ya cutie.
Ya what doucheface??????????
Stable_ fella4you:I think every man has a type of woman which is his ideal woman and you are definitely mine. I know you are a very beautiful woman but to me you are perfection. I don’t think there is anything more heavenly than a beautiful black woman. But then I read your ad and amazingly you seem just as beautiful on the inside as the outside. I definitely prefer black women and not merely because I find black women much more beautiful than other women but because of your beautiful strong confident personalities. I really respect that. After being with black women I feel other women seem to have such bland personalities in comparison. To me you black women are Queens and should be treated as such.I am very confident in public and at work but in relationships it feels most natural for me to be submissive to my partner’s needs and demands and I do prefer a dominant woman. I put my woman on a pedestal and welcome one who demands I put her needs first. I love to pamper and cater to a woman and am very attentive. I definitely know how to treat a strong willed black woman and i never act like a douche. I am not desperate just hopeful and if you think I am someone who could be special to you I hope you will get back to me.Hopefully, Jeff
P.S. I am one of those people who can’t take a good photo, I’m really not that dorky looking but I bet all dorky looking people say that.
This is from a bald 50 year old caucasian man who has obviously watched too much black porn. I am tempted to meet him and beat the shit out of him with a wooden paddle, with spikes at the end of it. I'll show you a dominant black woman.
Terry_mac: hey beautiful, what will it take to get to know u?
A forehead that is not the size of Texas, better looking face and no children.
Zukiiertot: You think I look like a douche?
I nearly wet my pants with this one.My answer is a resounding YES! Your hair was clearly cut at First Choice or at the Walmart salon where you also picked up your striped cotton shirt and dad jeans. Now.... my tagline was looking for someone who is not a douche. Clearly you did not get
Proxy: Hey! How are you? I"ve never seen such a beautiful woman like you. What's your name?
My name is I don't date Serbian fobs with tight ass Ed Hardy t-shirts.
Sweetnuts:i jus couldnt resist ur gorgeous profile so i had 2 stop by and say heloo...
The subject line for this message was 'Sweet and healthy for you'??????? I beg to differ. Learn how to spell hello and just and what is ur? Is that Finnish? F@#k.
69games: wat's going on shawty?
Hmmm. Where do I begin with this one.... I find his screen name so repulsive and his face not even worthy of sitting on. Don't speak to me in your peasant language.
New dude203:HOW U DOIN BEAUTIFUL MY NAME IS JAMAL I AM JUST PASSING THROUGH SHOWING YOU MAD LOVE BABE.. I MUST SAY I THINK YOU ARE VERY BEAUTIFUL I WOULD LOVE TO TALK TO YOU SOMETIME BABE...BUT I WAS WONDERING IF YOU GOT MY LAST NOTE??
My name is not babe. You will never know my name. I got your message and I chose to ignore it, just as I will this one.
Britainfinest33: What is a douche? I guess that I am not one cause I dont know the meaning...........lol
LoL indeed.Judging by your answer and your profile pic, you clearly are one.
Phantom123: WOW...ur like WOW....sorry didn't make sence....lol...hows ur day goin so far?.....makin it a bit longer.... wut did the frog do to the paper.......?????RIBIT.....I hope u atleast cracked a smile cause a women that beautiful should be smileing all the time...
This is by far one of my favs!! I'm glad to know that my perceived beauty can stupefy a grown man out of rudimentary knowledge of the English language. I also found his devil like goatee rather unsettling .I think getting a pap smear may be more humorous than his joke.
Portugueseinu: Your SUPER GORGEOUS!!!
Portuguese for me.... No thanks, it gives me indigestion. Also your wicked cool tan, spiked hair and sunglasses at night remind me of Jersey Shore. Beat it!
I joined POF a few days ago with a friend and the experience has been...harrowing, hilarious and perplexing. I couldn't resist sharing some of the messages I received with my friends. I attached my sardonic thoughts and the response was overwhelming. Whoever thought that my bitter and cynical ramblings would bring joy and laughther to someone's day. Enjoy.
P.S: I did not actually send these! I am a bitch but I value my life. I have changed their screen names to protect their anonimity.
DAY 1
Eddie798 : Ya cutie.
Ya what doucheface??????????
Stable_ fella4you:I think every man has a type of woman which is his ideal woman and you are definitely mine. I know you are a very beautiful woman but to me you are perfection. I don’t think there is anything more heavenly than a beautiful black woman. But then I read your ad and amazingly you seem just as beautiful on the inside as the outside. I definitely prefer black women and not merely because I find black women much more beautiful than other women but because of your beautiful strong confident personalities. I really respect that. After being with black women I feel other women seem to have such bland personalities in comparison. To me you black women are Queens and should be treated as such.I am very confident in public and at work but in relationships it feels most natural for me to be submissive to my partner’s needs and demands and I do prefer a dominant woman. I put my woman on a pedestal and welcome one who demands I put her needs first. I love to pamper and cater to a woman and am very attentive. I definitely know how to treat a strong willed black woman and i never act like a douche. I am not desperate just hopeful and if you think I am someone who could be special to you I hope you will get back to me.Hopefully, Jeff
P.S. I am one of those people who can’t take a good photo, I’m really not that dorky looking but I bet all dorky looking people say that.
This is from a bald 50 year old caucasian man who has obviously watched too much black porn. I am tempted to meet him and beat the shit out of him with a wooden paddle, with spikes at the end of it. I'll show you a dominant black woman.
Terry_mac: hey beautiful, what will it take to get to know u?
A forehead that is not the size of Texas, better looking face and no children.
Zukiiertot: You think I look like a douche?
I nearly wet my pants with this one.My answer is a resounding YES! Your hair was clearly cut at First Choice or at the Walmart salon where you also picked up your striped cotton shirt and dad jeans. Now.... my tagline was looking for someone who is not a douche. Clearly you did not get
Proxy: Hey! How are you? I"ve never seen such a beautiful woman like you. What's your name?
My name is I don't date Serbian fobs with tight ass Ed Hardy t-shirts.
Sweetnuts:i jus couldnt resist ur gorgeous profile so i had 2 stop by and say heloo...
The subject line for this message was 'Sweet and healthy for you'??????? I beg to differ. Learn how to spell hello and just and what is ur? Is that Finnish? F@#k.
69games: wat's going on shawty?
Hmmm. Where do I begin with this one.... I find his screen name so repulsive and his face not even worthy of sitting on. Don't speak to me in your peasant language.
New dude203:HOW U DOIN BEAUTIFUL MY NAME IS JAMAL I AM JUST PASSING THROUGH SHOWING YOU MAD LOVE BABE.. I MUST SAY I THINK YOU ARE VERY BEAUTIFUL I WOULD LOVE TO TALK TO YOU SOMETIME BABE...BUT I WAS WONDERING IF YOU GOT MY LAST NOTE??
My name is not babe. You will never know my name. I got your message and I chose to ignore it, just as I will this one.
Britainfinest33: What is a douche? I guess that I am not one cause I dont know the meaning...........lol
LoL indeed.Judging by your answer and your profile pic, you clearly are one.
Phantom123: WOW...ur like WOW....sorry didn't make sence....lol...hows ur day goin so far?.....makin it a bit longer.... wut did the frog do to the paper.......?????RIBIT.....I hope u atleast cracked a smile cause a women that beautiful should be smileing all the time...
This is by far one of my favs!! I'm glad to know that my perceived beauty can stupefy a grown man out of rudimentary knowledge of the English language. I also found his devil like goatee rather unsettling .I think getting a pap smear may be more humorous than his joke.
Portugueseinu: Your SUPER GORGEOUS!!!
Portuguese for me.... No thanks, it gives me indigestion. Also your wicked cool tan, spiked hair and sunglasses at night remind me of Jersey Shore. Beat it!
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