POF

I was busy and did not have time to check my plenty of fish account until this morning. I had 16 putrid turdbomb messages waiting for me. I really should be thankful that men are interested in  me but it's like being a thoroughbred and having donkeys trying to mate with you ( I KID).

pitbull2012:hey gorgeous:) how are you? my name is douche
Sometimes it's not the message that I find repulsive, it's the profile. This douche proudly displayed 5 pictures of himself holding wads of Canadian currency while stroking his vanilla ice facial hair. He also had designs shaved into his head. Grade A douche.

Sheman:Ur a woman of my dream and I hope we two venture on all the prospective you have in mind. I do love the things you do, and I hope we don't make this opportunities go waste

When we can do so much together…my name is Douche what is yours…
He sounds like he is going to whisk me off into a magical kingdom with unicorns and never ending chocolate and pork. Instead I think I would be locked in a dungeon in the bottom of a bazaar, being fed a fig once a day and made to be his sex slave. Yes, I can see all of this from one message.

curiouso78:I am in love!
Hmmm. You sure about that? He has three things that guarantee that I will not reply:
1) Fake tan
2) tweezed eyebrows(I find this beyond repulsive on a man) 
3) Facial hair that looks like it was sculpted by a laser.

He seemed pretty intelligent on his profile, but I just can't get past those things. He says don't judge a book by it's cover. What if it's cover looks like the Jersey shore?

Inoshitu:Wats ur name babes I wanna get to know if u give the chance
This is the third message from this fuck. In his profile he is wearing one of those Hamas looking scarves and has hips like a woman. You cannot have a chance.

Blancodread:I HAVE FINALLY FOUND A SHORTY THAT I CAN SAY ATTRACTS MY BEATY AND WITS
PLZ CALL ME AT 416-555-DOUCHE
NAME: DOUCHE
I THINK WE CUD HAVE AN EXCITING FIRST DATE WHERE I MAKE YOU DINNER FOLLOWED BY MOVIES AND DRINKS...FEEL INTRIGED...GIVE ME A TRY U WONT BE DISSAPPOINTED..
What is "beaty" and I am sure he doesn't know the meaning of wit. How difficult would it have been to write could instead of "cud". He wants to make me dinner, which means he wants me to go to his place(so I'd be trapped) and watch movies(porn) and have drinks(with a roofie in it). I just have a feeling I would end up naked in an alley with no recollection of the previous nights events. No thanks white dread!

Yardiepp:How you doin? I see the camera got a crush on u, u compliment it well and from what i read i like your state of mind your quite the woman. anyways i'm jus passin tru and couldnt help myself but to
drop by and show some love. Other than that i'm wonderin if u got some time to spear, that i can get to kno u some more and u get a chance to know me the same if your kool with that
Is the English language dead? Why spell cool with a K? I appreciate the effort, but if you took the time to write a paragraph, why not take the time to spell "u" or "tru"? I am sure many woman find this peasant language appealing. I am not one of them.

dirtydog2012: (subject line)me want da akee and saltfish
Does this make me culturally aware just messing with ya I am I wholesome white boy who eats Kraft dinner and ketchup and very genuine (to the extreme )
First of all fuckface, I am not Jamaican!!!!! It does not make you culturally aware, it makes you a douche. I would never date anyone who has Kraft dinner with ketchup as a main dietary staple. Ketchup seems to be the condiment of choice amongst people of peasant lineage.